Posted by: Disappointed | 2008/10/25

In sickness and in health???

Dear CS

I’ ve been on cortisone for almost a year. I have a moon face and picked up 10 kilos. I thought my husband was compassionate about my conditions, but was very disappointed to learn that he actually despises me. I come across emails he send to his best friend, saying that he thought I was a diamond but I’ m just a piece of wood and a fake. My face is so big and I’ m fat. I am so hurt and disappointed to know that my husband thinks this of me. He had an affair about 6 months ago, but we reconciled after numerous visits to the psychologist. My mother and sister stayed with us during that time, but he put them out of the house in order for us to be alone (which I understand). But now he is telling everyone how he paid for my family for clothes and food etc. and how they destroyed the house, now he has to repair it again. (all lies, he has nothing) Also how he had to pay my medical bills and now he is bankrupt (he is on my medical aid, but I pay R400 for my medication every month) He also told his friend that he was in love with me that is why he put up with my family, but now the passion is gone and things between us are not so good either. He is pressuring me to sell the house so we can move to a better area, but I am scared that once I do that, he might want a portion of the money and a divorce. We have an AN agreement. The house is mine. I’ m so hurt and I think he doesn’ t love me anymore. I don’ t know if he wants a divorce, but reading those emails, made me think twice. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

One might be disappointed or saddened when a spouse developes a chronic illness, but that it never grounds for "despising" them --- why despise anyone for something that is entirely not their fault ? Sad, too, if he is lying to people about you and about what he claims to pay for. Don't you really need to talk to a lawyer to be sure of your rights and how to protect them ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Dragonfly | 2008/10/27

My heart goes out to you, for you to be ill and go through this.
Dont sell your house, you have the upper hand there. Unfortunately i am sure you love this man a great deal, but perhaps ask yourself how much more can you take? Do you see him in your future?
Would it be hard to see yourself loved by another man in the future, to love and care for you, Respect you as well? Dont you think you deserve that? You are a strong woman, you can and will survive this. You do not deserve to be treated this way by your husband or anyone else. Let your husband see what a low life and loser he really is, let him see how precious you are. Let him see HIS mistake.

You deserve better, its about time, YOU see it.

Reply to Dragonfly
Posted by: Disappointed | 2008/10/26

You guys are so right! I was so confused and affraid to see what is realy infront of me. My husband is a compulsive liar. He' s playing his cards so right. He' s documents are in order, He' s going to get a new job, all he needs now is cash. (I know I have to follow my gut feeling, but what if I' m wrong...???)

He doesnt know that I saw the emails...It was at his office. I also found condoms in his draw....
When I found out he was cheating on me, he told his lovers'  fiance, after I approached him, that I was mentally ill and unstable that' s why I take so much medication. I can' t even begin to imagine what lies he' s telling our friends. He' s acting like nothing went wrong and life just goes on, but I know he has a hidden agenda. I' m going to see my laywer and will let you know what' s been happening.
Thanks and God' s many blessings.

Reply to Disappointed
Posted by: me | 2008/10/26


Yes I would say you are smart enough to relize the situation is bad. If the house is only in your name by agreement make sure that it gets on some legal document. Do not sell what you have
if he is not satisfied with you he will do anything to get out of the situation - and it seem he feels his been done wrong so he will cheat to get back what he belief was his/ weather is was or not.
Keep as many evidince as posible (someplace were he can not find it/ not at home).

You are not dreaming - the situation is bad - he is being horable
to you and behind your back - do not trust him!!!

Reply to me
Posted by: Kayla | 2008/10/26

Once a cheater always a cheater, he' ll do it again weather you think he will or not. He might know that your reading his e-mails and is purposefully trying to hurt you. Otherwise, you need to get yourself out of this situation!! It doesn' t seem good, he obviously doesn' t care much about you to think what might be good for you. Did he ask you wheather you wanted to move? A good marriage usually has trust, and I think you guys might be lacking that. If you are getting the feeling he wants a bigger house so he can get more money and get a divorce, my advice is to stick with your gut instinct. If he can' t love you because you' ve changed, then he doesn' t diserve to love you. You' ve done nothing wrong yet hes trying to wrong you. I can' t help you with everything, you might just need to spend some time thinking about it, your mind might be clouded with emotion, since this must be very hard for you. Which ever case, i don' t know the exact situation. You can think it through yourself, you' ve come off to me as a smart person with sharp instincts. May your health return in good time,
Kayla < 3

Reply to Kayla

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