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Posted by: Suri | 2004/11/03

In need of help

My entire life has been extremely frustrating. I have attempted suicide twice. Once earlier this year and once when I was still at school.

I can't see anything worth living for. I just want to be loved. But I have never been loved.

My parents marriage was arranged and they got divorced when i was only 3 years old. My mom blames me for all her failed relationships. My dad is too busy with his other family. Have no brothers or sisters to depend on. My granny's sister grew me up and I love her alot. But she also choice her brother's daughter over me.

All my relationships have been very short. I can't seem to find one guy that would take a chance to fall in love with me. I don't know what to do any more. The thoughts of suicide are back in my head again.

Tell me how does one continue with life being lonely and not loved by anyone.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear that you haven't received the love and care you wanted and needed, from your family. Remember an important thing. If you haven't been fully loved SO FAR, that doesn't at all mean that you are unloveable, or that you won't Be loved, in the future. See a counsellor to work on these issues, including self-esteen, so you can become more receptive to the right sort of relationships in which you can both give and receive, love.
persist in getting and continuing with the right sort of of active counselling. Sometimes one is so needy for love, that one overwhelms potential lovers, and thus ends up getting less of what one wants so much.
And maybe also look at opportunities to give love without expecting anything in return, such as some volunteer work with worthy charities, to help get things in perspective.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: skydiver | 2004/11/03

Just remember - There is but on ONE original like YOURSELF. Everbody was placed on this earth with a specific goal. Try to keep yourself busy to fnd out what this goal is. Maybe sounds not very empathetic, but I have gained a lot by the following: "When you feel absolutely EMPTY, go GIVE of yourself to someone else . . . ."

Reply to skydiver
Posted by: bubbles | 2004/11/03

Girl - sorry to here you are having such a tough time..but look up and know that you are loved by God and he will never leave you no matter what...

If you are looking for some advise here it goes: Join a church and start adsorbing the love God has to offer you...you can even join a church group people your own age and try something new in your life cause at this point what you got to lose???

Neve feel that life is worth ending bec you are a special person and there is a reason for you being here on this planet. Try not to take to heart about your parents, hec there are a lot of people out ther that are messed up and its unfortunatle that this has such a bad effect on you... BUT you can get through this honey, jsut be strong and start filling your life with newthings hobbies you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you....gosh form 18 yrs right through your 20's you change a hec of a lot growing and starting to know who you are!

Reply to bubbles
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hi Suri,

I would say maybe start with things you enjoy. Things that make you feel good. Things that appeal to you. Remember Suri, baby steps, coz you are taking time to find out & become aware of you so you should take it slow.
What do you enjoy doing? What in your life are your proud of? When in your life can you remember a time when you may have been happy or content?
See, I feel one should concentrate on those things that make you comfortable, make you feel good, that bring you joy, that make you smile... think about these things for a while Suri, then see if you can do some of these things still.

These are just my suggestions Suri, please hang on for CS's comments as he is the professional here.

You have the need Suri, so now you just need to take action on those needs.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Suri | 2004/11/03

Thanx Shaun,

I guess I would give alot to love myself again. But as I said I don't know where to start. My lack of self-esteem or confidence has been there since I was a child. Honestly I want to change things but I just don't know how too.

Reply to Suri
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hi Suri,

Don't worry, I know what you mean coz I've been there as well. Now & then when I'm down, this feeling overcomes me again but now its usually short-lived.

I don't think it was wise to stop your counselling sessions if you've done so already. Please try start it again.

From your words I can very well see that you have a lot of love to give, maybe CS might suggest a method of turning that around so you can shower yourself with this love.

Suri, you say you would give up everything in this world just to be loved. May I ask what you'd be prepared to give up to love yourself???

Think about this for a while... Have you ever taken notice of someone you thought was confident? Did you notice how that person walked, talked & carried themselves? If you do I am certain you will get the feeling that this person seems to not really depend on anyone. What I'm trying to say is that if you don't feel proud of you, & you don't like you, how can others.

I hope you understand me Suri, & not take my words personally as that is the last thing I would want. What I would want is for you to take my words as suggestions, or ideas.

You can get thru this girl. A little determination, with some perseverance, & a good shrink will make a difference. The most important ingredients being determination & a lot of patience. Remember, it took you almost your whole life to be the way you are right now & you can't change that over-night.

Anytime you need to talk, please do so Suri, thats what this forum is here for.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Suri | 2004/11/03

I don't know how to love myself. I have been without love for so long, that I have forgotten how to. I have been to a counsellor but it only helps for awhile or until my next relationship ends.

Sometimes it feels like I am going crazy. I know that I deserve to be happy, to be loved and cared for. I would give up everything in this world just to be loved.

Reply to Suri
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hi Suri,

Sorry for what you're going through, & went through. I can only imagine what it must have done, & is evidently still doing to you as a person.

Have you ever consulted with a professional shrink, or even a GP about your feelings? If not, I would strongly suggest that you do so as soon as possible, it is very important that you do.

We all have a kinda instinct to feel that there must be something wrong with us when we break away from a relationship. I would say that you should maybe think on the lines that it really wasn't you as such, but it was just that you guys were incompatible. Thats all.

I think you need to take steps to teach yourself on how to love yourself first, before feeling that you need, or could love anyone else. Yes those feelings can be quite strong & often leave you wanting... But I seriously feel you need to concentrate on yourself first.

I'll be completely straight with you; If & when you become comfortable with who you are & what you want, & become comfortable with yourself as a person, even being alone is not a problem. Why? Because you are happy with you.

That said, know that I would very much like it if you stopped thinking that you are at fault when your relationships flounder. Stop thinking life is not worth it. Stop thinking you don't deserve more.

I'll leave you with one thought;

You only deserve as much as YOU allow yourself to deserve.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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