Posted by: Petra | 2006/11/13

In love with someone else

Hallo there,
I have been married for 3 years now, but about 6 months ago I fell in love with someone else. I still love my husband, but I can not get over this other person. Me and the other guy are very good friends and work together as well. I don't know what to do. We have been intimate about three times but are just friends right now.I am just feeling so depressed about this situation. I have a wonderful husband, but can not help the feelings I feel for this other person.
What can I do????

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Our expert says:
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You have a wonderful husband, who has done nothing wrong, but have chosen to be unfaithful with someone else. Why not see a personal counsllor and work towards healng the marriage you have begun to break up, and start being more fair towards your husband ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: RR | 2006/11/14

How do you fall in love if you are already married? Did you get married for the RIGHT reason? I work in an industry that is male dominated and most of them are gorgeous but I would never ever ever even allow myself to even consider going down that road. You marry because you love and are inlove with a person..........go over your vows again and then make your decision. If it is the "boyfriend" you are after LEAVE your husband you dont deserve him. It's women like YOU that give women a bad name, DISGUSTING!!!!!

Reply to RR
Posted by: slr | 2006/11/14

who do you want to grow old with? and does he feel the same about you?

there can only be one partner for life...unless you guys are Mormons

Reply to slr
Posted by: jo | 2006/11/13

you are not along. I'm 7years down the same route. Have an amasing supportive husband through it all but its not easy. It took about 2years to get over the infatuation but I'm pleased I told my husband and we worked through it. I took the risk because if he sent me packing my decision was made. I'm still very friendly with the other guy but its taken a long time for the relationship to move on to friendship. If I had my time again I would try to cut ties with this guy. Its hard coz you want him badly and don't want to let a good thing go. I have realised that one man is not better than the other, just they both offer different things. My husband is my souldmate and the other is a (long) passing interest. oh I dont envy you - this has been the most difficult thing of my life. Thinking of you.

Reply to jo
Posted by: Anonymous | 2006/11/13

Dump this toher person and go back to your husband, unless your husband has dumped you. If he has, you deserved it. If you are married, nobody else matters, no matter how attractive that person seems to be. The sanctity of marriage will never be negotiable.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: God Bless You | 2006/11/13

I can only say may God Bless Your soul when he has dumped or hurt you.

You are now an easy meal for him, there is no commitment nor possibilities of getting married. coz you are married. you have another man who is on the spotlight. if you cramble everybody will look at your husband not your toyboy.

You are to him just another easy soft cheap target. Get it?

Reply to God Bless You
Posted by: T | 2006/11/13

U should really think all this over and i agree wit phil u lucky to havea great hubby and u seem like u dont deserve him or the least appreciate him. count ur blessings in life.

Reply to T
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/13

Well I was also thinking how much respect can this man have for you knowing that youre betraying your husband. I agree with Phil, I think he sees you as an easy lay.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Phil | 2006/11/13

PS: All men just love the easy chicks. Especially when they are married, then the risk of them wanting too much or leaving their families is just too little. Try and get this guy to commit to you devorcing your husband and being with him. He will just move one to the next easy chickand pretend to be a good friend to get into her pants. What a joke! Sometimes I wonder if people that fall for all of this has a brain...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Phil | 2006/11/13

You know what, you don't deserve your husband. The nice thing about this is that the wheel will turn. You will get burned so badly. What goes around comes around. Why did you get married? Why don't you devorce your husband and let him find someone deserving? It is easier to screw around and have the security of someone at home. Maybe you forgot the promise you made to your husband and God when you got married. Good luck...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Jenine | 2006/11/13

I think you are being selfish. Did you not marry your husband? Did you not promise to be faithful to him?
Ofcourse you can't get over the other guy, you see him everyday!!!!!!!!
If your husband is as wonderful as you say he is, why would you do something like this to him?
Just remember... Friends can be lovers - but lovers can't be friends!

Reply to Jenine
Posted by: T | 2006/11/13

If ur hubby is a great guy why did u go looking else where.
The thing is taht u have to ask ur self a question is this feeling that u have for this other man permanent.Will he give u all this attension even after 5 years.Will he be faithfull.
A great many things made u choose ur huby and he hasnt done anything wrong for u to look else wheer.Weigh ur options.I think its a bit of a risk to jump trains now esp since ur hubby is great.
Maybe this other guy is giving u lots of attension and since u at work u spending alot of time together.
I wouldnt risk a good marriage for a feeling that im not sure would last.
U will meet other men that will make u feel great and even daubt that u made the right choice but i think u should think this through properly.Marriage is a working a way its an investment that only pays after a long time.
And by the way...what made u look at this guy u are maried.

Reply to T
Posted by: dr dre | 2006/11/13

what exactly excites you about this other guy? what kinds of things do you do together to make you feel so overwhelmingly attracted to him?

how is your affair different to your marriage?

Reply to dr dre
Posted by: Whooz | 2006/11/13

I know the feeling. Lie down and wait for it to go away. Your marriage is more important, work on it love your husband. GET ANOTHER JOB, genuine, you cannot stay there in the other man's presence and think it's going to go away. It won't. It takes time but the infactuation will go away in time lots of time...

Reply to Whooz
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/13

firstly im going to ask are you realy in love with him or are you in love with the idea of him. now i know that sounds like a realy stupid question but go quiet within yourself and ask it and you will be amazed at how not stupid it is. ok having said that its obvious that your marage cant be all you need it to be otherwise you wouldnt have even been open to falloing for this other guy. i think you need to figure out why your marrage isnt working and take it from there. this other guy offers something new and alive and you need to try get that with in your marrage, and if you cant then you need to ask yourself what about in 3 yrs time with this other guy will you end up in the same boat with someone else coz all relationships have the potential to get stale. anyway if you realy arent happy in your marage than i sugest you sort that chapter out first befor making any harsh choices. after having said all of this i will say i understand what you are going through and letting go either way isnt easy. and then you ask but why cant you let go of him well when you figure out what you are not happy with and fix that it want seem so hard to take control. good luck

Reply to kat
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/13

Divorce your husband and let him find someone that loves him!

Reply to Kate

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