Posted by: JD | 2008/07/11

In love with someone


I am completely in love with a guy, he is HIV+ and we have talked about it and sorted it out, it doesnt bother me at all and should anything sexual happen we both know the consequences and we are prepared and more than willing to be safe.

The only thing that bothers me is when we spend time together he is in such a great mood, i have spent a couple of nights at his place but when i speak to him on the phone or he sms's me he is always so short... almost to the point of rudeness...

Ok so here is my questions. Am i crazy for loveing someone with my whole heart with every fibre of my being that i know wont be able to grow old with...

Second question, am i being paranoid about his shortness when we communicate not in person? Probably am...

Thank you and i eagerly await your responses

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi JD and thanks for this post.

The fact that this guy is HIV positive doesn't mean you won't grow older together, but be wary of loving someone to such an extent that you lose your individual sense of self.

As others have said, some people are simply not "chatty" on the phone - don't take offense at his being short or curt on the phone. The main thing is that there's magic when you guys are together.

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Our users say:
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/07/15

Hi JD. Congratulations – you have achieved something that many not LIVING with HIV can many times not overcome. You have looked at the person and liked him/fall in love with him despite of his LIVING with HIV. Your situation touches on a subject that entails much more than sex and HIV. In many posts on this forum, I pick up the subject of superficiality in the gay community in general. In a recent post the question was raised regarding “what is wrong with the gay community”. The fact that many relationships are based on sex, looks, age, what clothes we wear, certain behavior etc. comes to mind. You looked beyond the superficiality and possible problems in a relationship with this individual and saw the person. I hope that you will find happiness. You said that you discussed the issues around sex. Great stuff, you communicate. It is indeed very good to hear such a heartwarming story. Please keep on posting and ask any questions you might have regarding LIVING with HIV and sharing a life with such a person. Me and many others will gladly assist as far as we can. I am LIVING with HIV and as others noted, it is not a death sentence. See it as an experience to grow and mature, to learn appreciation, a shortcut to connection with real friends and loved ones. Keep well

Posted by: Des | 2008/07/11

However JD if it still bothers you, then maybe you should just talk to the guy about it. Just make sure you communicate about things that bother you and dont let it just sit in your mind. It will fester and create problems in the future, if good to be in love hey? go on beaming.....

Reply to Des
Posted by: JD | 2008/07/11

Thank you for your honesty guys... i really love him with every fibre in my body, i love him more than i have ever loved anyone else. i want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Nikkits you and Riley, are right i am reading something that isnt there, he has a very demanding job. But thats just me, i want him to be happy, no matter what.


Reply to JD
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/07/11


You are "reading" something that is not there.

I also dont like to be chatty at work when my partner or friends call with non-work related issues.

Grow old ??? HIV is not a death sentence and be careful you may die before he does one day and it could not even be HIV related ..... LOL

Have fun and love him like you want to be loved.


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Riley | 2008/07/11

I must admit, I am extremely short when it comes to the phone and sms's when I am at work. I don't have time to mess around and will sms back/phone when I have a minute for half a ciggie, or most times, when I have to run to the loo!

Maybe he is busy? Or just has bad phone manners? If your time together outweighs the bad/rude phone saga, why worry? My 2c.

Reply to Riley
Posted by: anon-i-mouse | 2008/07/11

being short on the phone may be a work thing.... when i am at work i do not chit chat to friends or family, especially when with collegues..... when i phone a friend of mine i know immediately he is in the office by the way he answers his phone...i simply say ok, you're clearly at the office, talk for the HIV aspect...this is a tough one and entirely your choice, i am sure if you are safe you would be able to grow old together, HIV is not a death sentence

Reply to anon-i-mouse

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