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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2008/07/18

in-laws not interested in our baby

My husband and I are expecting our first child after ten years of marriage. We and my parents are over-the-moon. My in-laws on the other hand, are not interested in the baby at all. They show no interest in the pregnancy, or my wellbeing. In fact, they would rather do things to cause us stress. Up to now, they have not even bothered to share the news with anyone, even other family members.

My husband says I should just ignore them. But this has been a long thing, and I feel at least for him, they can show some interest. I can see he feels hurt, but does not want to talk to them about it.

I' m at the point where I feel that they do not deserve to be part of this child' s life. They don' t even care to know when he or she will be born. I have since cut them out of anything related to the baby. I know this is not healthy, but what do I do? The relationship is going from bad to worst. So many bad things are being said about me and my husband, all untrue. How do I end this all? They are not approachable. In fact, I know that they will not acknowledge any wrong doing in any situation. We have had similiar experiences before, where they would cause problems between us and deny everything.

How do I handle this situation?

Please help

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Our expert says:
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I can't imagine why they would be so uninterested, and understand that you would both find this distressing, but as the old saying goes, you can't get blood from a stone, so there may not be much point in expecting from them more than they can offer.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/07/22

Thanks for your support anon and a-non-muisie, it really meant a lot to me.< br> < br> I see what you& #39 re saying. I have given up on them. We no longer involve them or try to involve them in our pregnancy. We are focussed on our baby& #39 s wellbeing and our sanity at this point. We are surrounding ourselves with positive people and people who are happy to share in our joy.< br> < br> Actually, I wish I had a camera this weekend to record their reactions, when others were gushing over our little bundle on the way. It was priceless. You could see that they were taken aback and felt left out. But I just gushed right along, adding salt to that gapping wound.< br> < br> How far this will go, I don& #39 t know. But right now all that counts is my baby and my husband.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon also | 2008/07/18

Yep, I know exactly how you feel. I got pregnant 3 years ago and my husband' s father nearly died. He kept telling me how terrible it was to have a baby and how the child would destroy our lives and how he never wanted my husband and what not. I don' t have a mother-in-law. Never had, she passed when my husband was in high school.

Every time we would visit he would tell me how he wishes I never got pregnant it is such a terrible thing and he does not want to be a grandfather etc etc etc. My parents on the other hand, along with the rest of my family, were over the moon as you have also said. Then at 11 weeks, I miscarried. It has been 3 years and my husband' s father has not said anything. Instead he tried to get me to promise never to fall pregnant again. I did not promise, but I have a very big surprise for him. My husband and I don' t have other children.

Your in-laws seem to be jealous. Their son has moved on, chose a different woman to his mom and is now expecting a little bundle of joy. Their reaction sounds like jealousy to me. They are trying to take your joy away from you and trying to make your pregnancy unbearable, when it is suppose to be something you should enjoy.

I also say ignore them. Don' t even to there unless you REALLY have to. I would also exclude them from things relating to baby. Why should you involve them after the treatment you and hubby have been getting. They will soon realize what they are missing.

Maybe when your hubby says something to them about baby, just say to him " Don' t worry about telling them, sweety, they are not interested" . That' s all you say. They will soon open their eyes to what twits they are. I know it is very difficult, but don' t let them get to you and put strain on your pregnancy. You guys have been waiting for this baby for a long time. Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and I truly hope everything works out for you and hubby, weather his parents are involved or not. It is like A-non-a-muisie said, YOU guys are now a family, focus on that.

Good luck to you and hubby.

Reply to Anon also
Posted by: a-non-a-muisie | 2008/07/18

You and your husband and baby will be a family now. A family of your own. That is who you must focus on. You have lots to prepare for and to do.

So get on with it. Making the room pretty and and I agree share the news and updates with those who are interested and want to know. I am sure there are many?
If they come around then they do, if they don' t then its their loss not yours.

I know it' s not what you want and you WANT them to be part of it but you cannot force them. So just leave it for now, and also remember whilst you are preggies you are very emotional so that could also be adding to how you feel. Remember stress is not good for the baby!

Reply to a-non-a-muisie

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