Posted by: Buffs | 2009/03/16

In laws driving me mad!!

hi CS!

Maybe you can help me get some perspective here. my husband and i have lunch with my father in law every sunday. we have been doing this for the past 5 or 6 years. When i first met my husband and his family i was a vegan. I eventually got really sick from lack of protein and iron so i started eating meat again. You know me i am a total animal lover! so we went there for lunch one sunday about 3 months ago and he has made Game (a poor little deer that he shot and killed) I am totally opposed to hunting and flat out refused to eat it. We had an argument about why i would eat a cow or a pig etc but not a deer. I realised he was right and so stopped eating meat again. Its great i have lost 5kgs just from not eating meat and i have lost another 2.6 kgs on weighless (only 4 kgs to my goal weight!) my problems started really when i joined weighless..

My father in law always used to make meat for sunday lunch, but since i have stopped eating meat he is really going over board. One sunday we went for lunch and he had decided to braai (the rest of the family always tells me when they are braaing so that i can take vegetarian products along if i want too, like birgers and sausage etc) when we got to his house my husband asks him very nicely what ew are having he says a braai but not to worry he got LOTS of chicken for me. I pointed out that i dont eat chicken. He then put chicken in EVERYTHING!! i promise you, he put chicken in the salad. He put chicken in the rice. he used chicken stock to boil potatoes!!! So all i ate was a piece of corn (which my hubby made for me wrapped in tinfoil on the braai) and a bread roll. THEN my FIL gets upset with me cos i wont eat more than that!

My hubby and i decided to eat healthy stuff from 01/01/09. My FIL was very supportive for a week then went back to deep frying and cooking everything with cream. Again he gets upset with us from not eating the stuff he has deep fried and cooked with cream. My hubby seems to have given in now and is eating what ever my FIL makes which is making it worse cos now I look like im being difficult.

My brother in law (BIL) and his wife both live with my FIL. and all 3 of them are badly over weight. my FIL has had 2 angina attacks! the BIL and wife dont care what they eat. My sister in law is also very controlling. Since we decided to eat healthy she has started making dessert every sunday (before this we NEVER had desserts on sudays!) then she also gets upset with me because i wont eat it!

I am at my wits end. I just dot know what to do anymore. Yesterday he made CHICKEN soup to start and then BEEF with potatoes cooked WITH the beef (so i cant eat them) so i ended up once again eationg rice and peas! I used to rush off to Pick ' n pay and buy vegetarian stuff to make so that i can eat too but the last time i did this i was told i am " rude"  because i get invited to lunch and bring my own food when other people have been cooking all day.

My own family is very supportive. My parents invited us for dinner on friday. My father made a chicken curry and he made me my own curry with no meat. When they came to our house for dinner they insisted on eating the vegetarian stuff i eat. His family wont even try it!


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BUffs !
Sometimes it seems as though people and situations are queueing up to drive you mad --- but refuse such invitations, and don't get into the car --- they they can't drive you anywhere !
A balanced diet does enhance your health, and is complex when you try to lose weight and adopt a different eating stance. I doubt that weight loss is due to simply giving up meat ( one needs protein anyway ) unless you were eating exclkusively very fatty meat, fried in fat. I hope you're getting competent dietician advice.
Sounds like your FIL considers you a challenge, and I wonder how this power-play arises. With his history of angina, and his deliberately high fat diet, he might not be around much longer --- I wonder whether his over-greasy diet is a form of denial of his own risks, and your refusal to eat it bothers him because it questions his own diet ? How would he react i you took sandwiches, or whatever, routinely ? OR maybe, less challenging, always take a nige vegetarian disk to add to the food, which others can share, but will be enough for you if he provides no other alternative ? Sounds like katy's tactic

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sigh | 2009/03/16

Just take your own food simple, problem solved.

Reply to Sigh
Posted by: Chappy | 2009/03/16

Hi Buffs!

I’ m same position as you, since the age of 12 I have excluded chicken and red meat from my diet, but will eat fish. After 16 years my father still tries to play on my feelings for not eating his food, and my new family-in-law sound much the same as yours. Have something small at home before you go, and get your hubby to confront them as to why they don’ t cater for you, they know your dietary requirements and should respect it.

My husband also adopted a healthy eating plan recently, and his parents also blame me for “ brainwashing”  him into not eating their food. But you know what –  he feels great, and its showing! Now when his parents invite us over for lunch / dinner, we remind them of our eating parameters and ask if its going to be a problem, then we offer to bring something from home to compliment their dishes.

Please visit the Vegetarian society’ s site on the web for some tips and facts. You can get all the vitamins and minerals you need from a balanced veggie diet. Good luck!

Reply to Chappy
Posted by: Katy | 2009/03/16

Oh dear, he' s purposefully being an a-s-s! :(

Maybe eat BEFORE you go? :)

I' m sorry about your situation, it sounds terrible! They do not respect your preferences and your principles. I hope you find a solution soon.

Reply to Katy
Posted by: Buffs | 2009/03/16

If he let me bring my own food it wouldnt be a problem thats what i do pretty much every where else but if i do bring stuff with i get called RUDE and INSULTING..

Reply to Buffs
Posted by: Maria | 2009/03/16

Perhaps you can substitute Sunday lunch at their house with dropping in for tea sometimes or invite them to your house.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2009/03/16

The meat is a different issue. Your in-laws are being rather vindictive about it. However you do have to make allowences for your fil, many older people find it extremely difficult to change their points of view about something. The best you can do imo is have something to eat before you go there, and then just eat whatever you find acceptable.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2009/03/16

It' s tough when family does not support you in trying to be healthy. I think the healthy eating vs unhealthy food and dessert thing you will just have to let go. One meal a week which is not according to your diet plan is not going to be such a big deal.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: katy | 2009/03/16

Hey Buffs

My MIL is a great cook but she also makes many dishes that I do not eat. I have never told her that I don' t eat this or that, instead I have become accustomed to preparing a meal (usually a pasta dish, or something easy) that I take with us to the supper / lunch. I put it on teh table with all the other food and if she' s serving something I don' t particularly fancy, then I can eat pasta! :)

If we can eat by my mom, she makes a point a point of ASKING us what she should prepare. But most people are NOT like this, especially the older folk as they believe we shoudl eat what ever' s being served...

Reply to katy
Posted by: Maria | 2009/03/16

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Reply to Maria
Posted by: anon | 2009/03/16

Look i have no doubt he is trying to be difficult and making a point but you are invited to HIS house so in Rome do as the Romans do - if it is against your principles then unfortunately just eat what you can on the day. You cant really make a fuss about what he is cooking at his house. I think he is been mean and unfair, dont get me wrong, but you are trying to change him in his own home.
For instance my hubby is very against smoking esp around kids and pregnant women - my in laws smoke like chimneys. At our house they have to smoke in the garden at their house we have to grin and bear it !!! hate it but put up with it.

Reply to anon

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