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Question
Posted by: Cloe | 2004/10/18

In laws

My b/f and I live in a flat together. His brother is boarding with us at the moment because he has no other place to stay and we are his only method of transport to and from work. He does not earn a salary big enough to move into his own flat.

My problem is that he is extreamly lazy. It drives me mad. They grew up in a family situation where there are certain things a woman must do and certain things a man must do. I don't mind doing anything for my b/f because that is what a relationship is about, being comfortable with eachother. I do the washing, my b/f and I make turns to cook, I do the dishes most of the time and the tyding up, I also make his lunch. I don't have the slightest problem with this but now his brother expects me to do the same for him as what I do for my b/f.

He leaves his things lying all over the flat, I have nagged so many times that he (the brother) should please wash the bath with handyandy and he simply just ignores me. He does not help with the cooking and/or cleaning up. I wash his clothes, make his lunch and have to pick up after him.

I have tried speaking to my boyfriend about this, but its hard because they are brothers. He can't see any fault in his brother. Every time I ask the brother to pick/clean up after himself he (the brother) gets pissed off. I feel like a maid.

How do I approach my b/f and/or the brother in a affirmative way without causeing problems in my relationship. I feel so fustrated about this. Please please advise.

Many thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Cloe,
There's no excuse for this guy to be so darn lazy. Apart from looking for work ( which is in itself hard work ) he ought to be working hard round your home, cooking, cleaning, doing the shopping, whatever needs doing. he needs to be told that the old job descriptions no longer apply, and while he says, and his stay will NOT be indefinite, he must pay for his keep at least by work in the home and work in job-seeking.
I fully agree with Jelly and Zee. Go on strike. No washing for him ( ever ) and no cooking or cleaning until he does his share. And if he isn't yet earning enough to get his own place, he needs to convince you that he is putting aside most if not all of his earnings ( he's not paying rent or for food, I gather ) in a savings account so that he CAN soon afford his own place or one he could share with a co-worker. Do NOT clean up for him or pick up after him. And if he has the cheek to complain, just calmly point out that you are not his servant. And immediately stop making his lunch, you're not his mom.

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Our users say:
Posted by: TW | 2004/10/18

You shouldnt be living with your b/f in the first place - not healthy for a relationship not to mention you are acting more like there moms doing all the work at home!

what happends if your b/f doesnt agree his brother must change then what are you going to comtinue to let them use you???

Reply to TW
Posted by: Zee | 2004/10/18

I agree with Jelly. You really dont have to wash his clothes girl, thats even worse. He wont kill you coz you did'nt. Just do 4 urself and ur b/friend an dleave his. He wont confront you and ask why u didnt wash his clothes. If he does tell him to do it for himself or must ask his g/friend to it for him.

Sorry, I know its harsh but thats the only way to make him get the message. Unless you become strict with urself you ll end up becoming a slave or a servant. Remember Times have changed, and women are more liberated now and just know ur rights.

Gud luck

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Jelly | 2004/10/18

Stop picking things up and stop supplying him with lunch - go on strike. It will be hard on you to see your home looking like a pigsty but at some stage they will realise that you are NOT the maid and that they need to help out - till they do dont do a thing. Its sometimes the only way to get some men to realise that they are not living in a hotel.

Reply to Jelly

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