Our expert says:
Don't you all, as a family, need some better negotiating skills ? IF she is to pay all the costs of a social event, it's understandable that she will expect her views on how her money is to be spent, to be taken seriously, but it's impolite for her to insist that everything must be done her way. Yet surely a the start, when she offers to pay ( or annoucnes that she intends to do so ) the family should epak up and make it clear that there are some aspects of the event that they want to be in a certain way, and that they are prepared to pay, themselves, for a less elaborate event, and don't want her to bully anyone with her point of view. And she needs to recognize that if you, for instance, provide the venue for the event, that should also give you some real say in how it will be conducted.
She doesn't sem to recognize that HER way of behaving is rude, and offensive to some others, and she apparently only notices when anyone seems rude to her.
Are you the only one in the family who finds her behaviour offensive or upsetting ? And wouldn't it be better for some things to be paid for, on a more modest scale, by the family as a whole, rather than letting her dominate ?
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