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Question
Posted by: jason | 2007/04/23

in and out of love - CS

hi CS, i am married, had my first anniversary yesterday.
but there is just something wrong, i have major depression, OCD and psychosis, know what happens is my emotions throw me in such a turmoil that i can generally fall in love just by a nice voice of a woman, if i spend some time with them i am hooked and after a while i am just out of love with them again. i do not tell anyone the women i am referring to does'nt even know, i made a decision long ago that i will not act on my emotions because they are constantly lying to me. i have never cheated on my wife, but i feel that she does steal alot of joy from my life, she is someone who can just lie and watch television for a whole weekend. i do not like tv do not watch it, i am seeking an adventurous life and the people closest to me is killing it. i love reading, talking alot, playing rugby, not watching it. like to play ten-pin bowling and go camping, hate to be inside, ouside is more fun, but you see my wife is a couch potato and is killing off my interests
i think that is why i like other women so quickly, i like spontaneity and everything that is fun but clean fun, like to go worshipping also

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are talking of emotional reactions, maybe with some obsessional overtones, not love. And if you have Major Depression, OCD and psychosis of some sort, you need to be under the care of a good local psychiatrist with whom you should discuss this problem. It also sounds as though the pair fo you got married without knowing each other well enough, and are now discovering and being irritated by the differences. See a good local marriage counsellor to work on this, and see what can be achieved by good communication, negotiation and compromise.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: dreamgal | 2007/04/24

I agree with shame and blondie and u are selfish cos when u were in need she was there and now u think u on top of the world u wana just bail out.Im sure u knew what u were geting your self into.

Well all guys when they meet a girl that teaches them alot and is there 4 them when no1 else is then they decide or that the girl is not good enough 4 them. They want to open they wings and fly.

U may have been through alot also but u cant just wake up 1 morning and relalise that u no longer have feelings 4 her.

U NEED HELP ........

Reply to dreamgal
Posted by: Blondie.. | 2007/04/24

I agree with Shame...happiness does come from within..

You live in 'the real world', as you described - take responsibility for your mistakes, see a professional and stop expecting everyone to feel sorry for you..sympathy does not equal love.

If you can fall in and out of love like this then you have obviously never truly loved someone.

Reply to Blondie..
Posted by: shame | 2007/04/23

and for the record Jason, joy comes from within... no one can give it to you - sorry

Reply to shame
Posted by: shame | 2007/04/23

I know what your problem is - you seek happiness from other people and when they can't give it to you - you simply seek it else where! Deal with your emotional instabilities before changing partners! I think you are one of those people that are hooked on "new love"... once the excitement fades you want someone new! Seek professional help before you find yourself going back to the "hell" that you've described...

Reply to shame
Posted by: jason | 2007/04/23

I totally agree with you SHAME this is a weekly event for me to feel like this. I get emotionally screwed, luckily i do not act on this emotions. i feel this way at least once a week and i do take into consideration what you said - always. it is all part of the cycle of emotional problems one day i love you the next day i don't . Luckily i do not tell them because tommorrow i will feel different. i just feel stuck sometimes.i know i give her alot of the fault, but i am so tired of tslking the blame for everything. or that is how it feels. you said my time will come it already had, when i was hospitalised month after month i went through stuff some will never know and now and again i get some glimpses of that "hell" will it ever stop.
I had my "hell" i am strong enough to handle more i will never even if i am chained to a chair or losing my mind give up, there is always hope it won't be as always but it will be a hell of a lot better.

Reply to jason
Posted by: shame | 2007/04/23

shame on you Jason - you used her as your "feel better tool", she gave you the self confidense that you now have today and you feel like this about her? Don't forget that you are a depression case and whatever it was that depressed you then will show up one day and you will remember this woman! How many women do you know that would've stayed with you when you couldn't give any action??? yep you are right only a few and she happened to be one of them! What goes around comes around pal!! I see you are on your high's right now - enjoy it while it lasts! Don't feel sorry for her, she will survive - she doesn't depend on some "happy" pills unlike the latter... so do your thing - dump her and your turn will come just be patient - trust me!

Reply to shame
Posted by: jason | 2007/04/23

don't judge dreamgal we are all selfish people in one way or another. we do have to set boundaries for ourselves and others. i intend to live the life i was given and supposed to live, why don't you try living with people who bring you down and does'nt share in your faith like you do. It is not a nice feeling.I am not only thinking about myself here she already has 2 children, can't have anymore, they are also put above me. She has had a full life, I have had a life full of misery and depression. Am i being selfish , yes, do i feel bad about it, yes, but i l;ive in the real world and in the real world people get divorced and killed for much less. i am not one of those people who is going to live with someone i am not really in love with and in 20 years blame it all on her. She can find someone better, women find men easier than men women,
and i am not going to cheat on her, if i am going to end it, i will do so in faithfullness, and after that i will not take anyone i can. i will wait for the right person. Main thing she has to be as enthusiastic about God and life as i am. Not passive and uninterested in faith and only talking about money the whole time.

Reply to jason
Posted by: dreamgal | 2007/04/23

you are a SELFISH man.no other words 4 u

Reply to dreamgal
Posted by: jason | 2007/04/23

i was very ill at the time was hospitalised a few times for major depression, she was a financially struggling women, i felt sorry for her i guess, and at that stage i was so out of it on the meds that i was on, she was the only one i felt safe with, maybe because she stayed in the house as much as possible. i am financially better off than she is and she would unfortunatley not make ends meet by herself. i made a mistake i think and i am not blaming other people for it, you see the thing is i met her when i was totally out of it , we moved in together after 2 days and lived together for 3 years and then got married, it is only in the last year that i began to gain confidence again and started living again. it is as if i needed her then, but not know.
i know it sounds stupid, but don't we all make stupid mistakes, i love her very much but not as a spouse, i don't even want to have sex with her, at the beginning it was fine, because the meds took away all my sexual power, but now that i am slowly regaining it, i want to have sex alot more, but just not with her, she feels like a sister to me or a very good friend, we don't really interact much.
i am not one for divorce i am dead set against it. but i think i got myself into trouble, because she can't have children and now i am starting to think about it, and we do not fit that good together, i changed. i wan't out but i do not wan't to hurt her, and i know that is what will happen in the end, but i am afraid if i do not move on i will miss out on alot in life and that she might cause me to go heavy depro again.

Reply to jason
Posted by: Maria | 2007/04/23

What attracted you to your wife in the first place? Why did you marry her?

Reply to Maria

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