Posted by: Minki | 2008/09/15

In a rut

I am so bored with my sexlife I can die!!!<br><br>I have been mostly happily married now for 3 years (7 years together), of late I just don' t get turned on by my husband.<br><br>I used to have a very healthy sexdrive - almost addicted.<br><br>I don' t know why but my husband carries on as if he is 80 years old. He is turning 40 in November, (I am 27) and ever so often I have to hear from him ' I am getting old'  or ' I am not a spring chicken anymore'  or the best ' Now that I am 40 you will have to do with less'  <br><br>What kind of mentally is that - There is absolutely nothing wrong with his penis, just his sex drive.<br><br>Since I met him we used to average about 3 times a week, but I would say we fell into this rutt of Saturday night (Intercourse - doggy style) Sunday morning (Oral Sex) and that is it.<br><br>We don' t have children, I am the one studying (yes little bit stressed there) - but I am dying for some exciting sex. I am horny most of the time, but just thinking of the same old, turns me OFF!!!<br><br>I have tried everything - romantic evening, adventure, playing sex games, cooking naked, convinced him to go to a sex shop (bought some flavoured condoms (for anal sex), -|- rings etc)<br><br>Almost every time I have to hear ' Yes, thats nice, but I don' t know if I will have the energy' <br><br>Please help as I am getting really tired of the same old Saturday night Sex. I can' t even call it lovemaking, because even the foreplay is so boring. He doesn' t ever go down on me, I give him oral, he pets me, doggy style, clean up and sleep.<br><br>Honestly how can any 27 year old nympho handle that?<br><br>He is not having an affair - as we are always together and we do have sex ever week - on a Saturday!!!!!<br><br>I don' t know if it is phycological from both sides - Him getting old and me not wanting to hear about it or what.<br><br>But I need some good exciting sex more than once a week - with my hubby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Several things could be going on here, Minki.
1. He could be suffering with side-effects of medication, or a physical condition impacting on his testosterone. If he is feeling tired a lot, experienced a reduction in his general sense of wellbeing, having sleep difficulties, etc., these are classical symptoms. Basically, it is worth having this checked out by an up to date physician / GP
2. Loss of libido and tiredness can also be a sign of depression...(make sure that the above is checked out first though!)
3. If all of these are negative, he could be feeling a little overwhelmed and inadequate by unexpected initiation by you - this might make him feel 'less of a man' and could impact on his libido

Try talking to him in a way that shows your concern for his perspective and see what he thinks the problem is and how it can be overcome. Key to successful relationships (and therefore crucial for the sexual aspect) is a support and understanding for each partner, plus willingness to negotiate or compromise to solve problems.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: RP | 2008/09/15

Huh, I am 47 and have told my wife that I need it at least 3 times a week. Most men complain the way YOU are complaining - refreshing to hear it the other way around.
Age is no excuse, I am horny ALL the time, almost. He may be low testosterone- a blood test will tell. Tell him to get his act together as you have needs. Its important in any relationship.

Reply to RP
Posted by: Kems | 2008/09/15

Your hubby is very lucky to have you, I only dream of my wife wanting it ... maybe he is having a mid life crisis, you should try and do things to bring out the inner child again ... show him he is not old ....

Reply to Kems
Posted by: Sg | 2008/09/15

What rubbish advice some people give,the answer is obviously not to get on the side.You need to establish what the reason is for this lack of performance.Is he too stressed out from work etc or is he on medication that might effect him.
The age gap should have nothing to do with it.At 40 he should be able to bonk 3 times a week with ease.
One must also remember that we are all different,maybe he only needs sex once a week or whatever.
I would clearly talk to him about things and then in need go see a professional to assist.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: XXX | 2008/09/15

Minki from reading your posting it is a fact that he is getting old - 40 - you 27. You mentioned that you have tried several things but to not satification. You should honestly consider getting it from the sideline or you willn never be satisified.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Minki | 2008/09/15

Oh yes - I love quickies in adventurous places, but it is rarely that he will follow through.

Reply to Minki

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