Posted by: more than just stupid | 2004/11/15

in a bit of a fix

my husbands best friend always charmed the pants off me from the first time i met him some fifteen years ago...and i didn,t make a secret of fact i would joke that my husband was as in love with him as i was.After many years, i was seperated from my husband...his best friend and had not seen much of each other,obviously - he was happily involved with some new sweet lady...but then i got divorced finally from my husband...and then he wouldn,t let go...clung to me and the kids...wouldn't move out...continued seeing other women...hurting me...i finally snapped and decided to phone his best friend and ask him to try and talk some sense into his friends head...we met after many years and guess what...he still charms the apnts off with some incouragement from him and new bravado i finally get to push the ex husband out of my home into his own home...and now the problem is that he...the ex husband, found out about me and his best friend...his now ex best friend...and gets quite hysterically verbally abusive at the mere mention of his name... what to do...don't want to hurt anybody and it seems i'm caught between a rock and a hard place...get quite depressed trying to keep the ex happy with his new life on his own...yet what about my happiness...what a price...wot a!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he's your Ex husband, he may understandably feel peeved, but has no grounds for righteous anger --- once you're divorced, you're allowed to see other people without his permission. If he is getting abusive verbally try calling POWA for advice, maybe a restraining order would be in order ? Your happiness is what matters --- it's up to your ex to see to his own happiness, that's not an eternal duty of yours. And meantime, as Suri says, you can choose n ot to let yourself be hurt by the nasty things he says.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Suri | 2004/11/15

Can't give much advice on your problem?

I can tell you what my counsellor told me :

He said that you can only hurt another person by physically hitting that person with something. When you say or do something, it is up to that person to decide do they want to feel hurt by it or just accept it.

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