Posted by: Cindy | 2007/02/19

impact on child?

Ive made a life changing decison to move out of my parents home. im 25 with a 6yr old son. living in the household has been emotionaly unhealthy 4 a while for me to the poitn that ive tried committign suicide a couple of times and went for counselling. ive now found other non-destructive ways to deal with the drama.

my son is extremely fond of his grandparents especially his granddad. i dotn know how im gonna break the news to him that i have to uproot him from the comfortable world he knows. even though he can pick up when im unhappy i was not able to tell him what was the matter. either way i am not leavign him in that house and i know mw takign him will b an issue with my folks btu it has got to be done.

how do i communicate this to him?

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Our expert says:
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Delighted to hear that you have been working hard in counselling and have found better ways to deal with the drama. I think as regards telling your son, just talk it through calmly with a basic explanation of what has been happening and what will happen now ; assure him that you still love him very much and so do his grandparents, and that he will continue to see them. Echelle expresses a very realistic concern rather well. Is there any alternative, such as living with a room-mate ? And Mom to's suggestion is also very well worth considering --- to make the change gradual and more comforting for him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: hell no | 2007/02/19

I lived with my parents for a long time after I had my daughter, and I tell you now, it damages you as the parent. I say tell it to him straight, he is young and resillient, and he will get over it. I cannot tell you how much beter it is to be out there on your own. For me it din't feel like I was raising my child, it felt like they were, and all the things they wanted to imprint on her from a young age, they did. My mother still tries to fix mistakes she made with me through my child, and this is just not on. You need to raise your child. Even though help is sometimes welcome, you have to ask for it and it shouldn't just be given. I had to always explain why she was crying or what happened, there is nothing worse, your child becomes like a brother or a sister. This is WRONG. You have to put your fut down and make your own rules and that is that. You are his mother and until he is old enough you have to make decisions for him to the best of your ability.

Reply to hell no
Posted by: Mom to | 2007/02/19

Why do you not want to leave him with your parents? It seems that he is very fond of them. Why not find a place of your own, and try to get him to sleep over once or twice a week, and increase this as he get use to the new arrangements. Your dad is the only male person in his life at this stage and he needs male input in his life at this stage. I would recommend that you move out, get financially independand and emotionally very stong, and then give him the choice of how he wants to go about it. Please keep him involved in your desisions as it will have a huge impact on his life

Reply to Mom to
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/02/19

Do you think it's wise to go live on your own with your son if you tried to commit suicide several times? What if you try killing yourself again while your son is with you and when he wakes up he finds his mommy dead? I'd say before you move out you must be emotionally strong enough! Tell him that he can still see his grandparents on weekends.

Reply to Echelle

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