Our expert says:
I'm not sure whether you owe it to your daughters, presumably reasonably well-off and leading independent lives in the USA, to move to that country to "help them raise the children and just generally be there for them to complete the family unit ". I really don't.
Apparently they didn't fel this need so strongly that they chose to remain in the country so as to be near you and your mother.
Are they really more deserving of your closeness and care than your mom ? Would they genuinely be "Devastated" if your didn't come, or, rather, disappointed ? Given the American economic problems, how sure are you that both you and your husband will get good jobs there and be able to support yourselves ? And if you don't, how would you support yourselves ?
Is it possible to make use of the green card option for a stay of some months, get dual citizenship and return to ZA with the option of returning to the USA later if necessary ? At least check out, perhaps with the embassy, the exact details of this specific scheme and its limitations and rules.
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