Our expert says:
Dear Jan, sounds less like immaturity, and more like lack of self-confidence in respect of relationships. And when unsure of what to do in an opportnity for a relationship with someone new, it can be easier to repeat one's earlier, even teenage techniques, even if they have never worked well, rather than make the effort to improve one's tactics.
For whatever reason, maybe often because we were trained inadvertently as kids and adolescents by parents and/or teachers who, maybe planning to prevent us from becoming Big-headed, instead made us "Small-Headed", but teaching us exaggerated self-criticism and mistrust of our own attractiveness and abilities. This, as in Belinda's example, too, becomes a habit. Fortunately, such habits can be changed, in counselling, which is particularly well adapted to the projecvt of "understanding ME". And in the context of counselling, one can plan and monitor useful and interesting exercises in increasing one's self-esteem and sociable skills, such as accepting complements as well as giving them.
This is typical of the sort of patern of habitual behaviour one might develop gradually, which is really unhelpful, but which, fortunately, one can unlearn, with the help of a shrink.
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