Posted by: anonia | 2005/07/20

im working towards a better me

I (27) dont know how to describe this but it has to do with relations to others. in the past i used compromise myself too much, but with time i learnt to react to situations as they happen or if im unsure - i give myself time to think about the matter and then confront the person to inform them that im offended by what they said.

sometimes, if im very angry, i take a deep breath(to relax) and then write a polite letter to the person, stating my dissatisfaction. and if situations allow we can also discuss verbally.

for example A : 2 years ago i belonged to a discussion group at tertiary institution. the group leader(in his late 50's)was a caring person, friendly and in fact to me he was like a father. we are inthe same church. sometimes he would drop me off after these discussion. when i fell pregnant (out of wedlock), i did not know how to tell him then i stopped attending his group but proceeded to join group B.

i continued greeting him but we did not talk anymore, cos when i saw him i felt sad and wanted to cry. after my baby was born i continued with the discussion but with group B. up to today we just greet each other.

sometimes, i ask myself questiions about what he thinks of my behavior? maybe he thinks i was disrespectful by not reporting anything. i wanted to write a letter and apologize but i think it too late now? please advice.

example B: 10 minutes ago, a co-worker mocked me. he said that said that people fear God, but Im worse. meaning that i fear God very much. i laughed, but when i came to my desk, it finally sinks in. i was offended but did not react because he did not mention my religious organisation by name. anyway, he came to apologize after 5 minutes and i said its fine.

the thing is im shorttempered and by reacting immediately i might say nasty things/comments. rather, its better to calm down then speak later.

thanks for reading and i welcome all suggestions

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, anonia, the strat of your message seems to represent some wise decisions on your part.
Regarding the discussion group leader, I suspect that he doesn't feel particularly hurt by what happened ( I'm assuming he wasn't the father of your child ) --- and apologising to him after all this time might remind him of some temporary hurt, rather than necessarily helping. In the second example, it's good that the guy realized he had been possibly hurtful, and came PROMPTLY to apologise to you, and that you accepted his apology.
Keep working on the resolutions you defined at the start of your message, and you will indeed be becoming a better person.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/21

Sometimes we get so introspective and cannot see with our "third eye". We beat ourselves up emotionally about how we are with others and let them effect us in so many negative ways as we let their comments sink to heart.

This compounded over years can leave one insecure and generally fcuked up and influence of others over us comes too easily.

It's about understanding yourself and being able to filter out those behaviours that we deem to be either promoting our interaction with people or isolating us. Personally I don't give a shit anymore.

Classic Quote from a movie I recently watched:

.... "People care about others who care about themselves .... well quite frankly I don't care too much about these people"

Reply to SR
Posted by: SG | 2005/07/20

The mere fact that you ackowledge you have certain weaknesses is a step in the right direction.TRy to work on your temper as it can and will land you in deep water.
Always try to give the "issue" some thought and consideration before making rash decisions and/or re-acting badly.
It will take practice,good luck

Reply to SG

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