Posted by: confused | 2008/09/18

Im stuck


Recently I have gone into a relationship with a guy, I am a very structured, responsible person whereas he is more laid back and calm.

Thing is we get along well, soon I found myself falling in love with him, then he indicated that maybe we sould just be friends and not be in a relationship, i am in my early 20' s and he is 3 years older than I.

I was fine with that fact, because at the back of my mind as long as he was still in my life, we could work something out... then my parents banned me from seeing him saying that if he wanted to be with me, he would and that being friends would not be a good thing as he might hurt me again

I still speak to him via email and such and the other night he indicated that he is lonely and that he gets joelous when he sees me with another guy... and that maybe we should wait a couple of weeks and then decide if being friends or being in a relationship is the right thing

Then i told him that he needs to come speak to my parents and tell them this, because no matter how much i tell them, thy wont listen to me

He then told me that he would come 2 nights ago, he then cancelled and told me he would come last night, he cancelled again and i went off with him on the phone, the moment i stress with him he blocks me out

He now says he will come speak to my parents in 2 weeks time, but the thing is, if by then he decides he just wants to be friends, i know i wont be satisfied with this...

Now i know he does not want to take responsibility for things, but i just cant seem to let him go, no matter how much he makes me cry...

I find myself being unproductive in the day, thinking of him and not doing my work, and i cant snap out of this

what can i do?

please help, i need some clarity on this matter, i am really down

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes opposites attract, and then, after a time, repel.
Why, if you are in your 20's, do your parents control your friendships and relationships ? Do you belong to a culture within which this is considered normal ? Frankly, though, it sounds as though your feelings for him are out of proportion to the actual relationship, and you may be expecting more from him than he is ready to provide --- even when you talk of maybe being just friends, you seem to see this as only a brief phase before he falls deeply in love with you. Thant may well not happen. You sound needy in a way that men find worrying. I don't think his hesitation is something he ought to be blamed for --- good that he is being more frank with you than many would

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Our users say:
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/18

If he makes empty promises with something stupid like this, do you really want him in your life and get hurt later in life because of him? If you think you' re hurting right now, imagine how you would feel if you were in a relationship for a year or even more than year and he runs away? Or even marry the guy and make an empty promise in church for better or worse? No really, your pain right now is nothing compared to what it will be in a later stage with this guy! You will get over it, trust me, he isn' t worth crying over!

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