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Question
Posted by: Dolly | 2007/12/14

Im pregnant, hubby moving out what next?

Im 16 weeks pregnant and Im in the process of separation, actually my husband decided to move out because of his selfishness. He's abusive phyiscally and emotionally and I ended getting him arrested. So he has decided to stay on his own, I dont mind but the problem we have a 16 months old baby that is under my medical adi, and Im also pregnant, I have a full time nanny, the household expenditure. I asked him to pay for the apartment that is if he leaves cause I wont afford it but his refusing, the matter is with the maintenance court but at the moment the bills has to be settled how do I do I approach the situation without causing more tention in the house.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear about all this Dolly, though I'm no legal expert. I hope the Maintenance court can get things settled soon. POWA may be able to advise, too. Brilliant response from Foxybrown.
Some days, I remember that old typing exercise that was : "THe quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog." And I feel like the lazy dog !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Foxybrown | 2007/12/14

I really feel for you at this time, you should be concentrating on the joy of welcoming another baby into the family as well as prepping your toddler for the arrival of his/her sibling.

It sounds like this is really a time for you to lean heavily on close family and friends. Your pride maybe wants you to stick it out alone and your hopes and expectations may want you to continue to rely on your husband - but my love you will have to be realistic for the sake of both your children.

Holding out in hope that your husband will start behaving like a responsible man again, while it would be nice, is too great a risk to take - he may well come to his senses but you have no idea when this would be or to what extent. And as you say, bills need to be paid and stuff needs to be done. The fact that your hubby is abusive physically (the emotionally is bad enough) disturbs me greatly. A man who can assault a woman, moreso a pregnant woman and the mother of his children, is not a man you want to be quick to reconcile with.

Who do you have in your family that could help you at this time? Is there a place you could go for some free counselling? Could your church offer you some form of support at this time? In a strange way, this is the best time of the year for ppl to help you because many folk are receiving their 13th paycheck this weekend actually. They are a little more fluid than usual and may be able to spare more money and help than you think.

This is no time for pride. Maybe ppl believe your husband is still helping you out somewhat – you need to explain the situation to those close to you and let them know what kind of help you need. Do not be embarrassed or shy; people who love each other help each other through difficult times.

Address your immediate needs by letting people know you need help. The maintenance issue and your marital status with your husband, including the issue of whether or not there is any hope for the marriage, can be addressed a little later

Good luck and God bless. All the best with the new baby too. You need to be strong for your kids’ sake. I understand what it is like to be pregnant and deserted, I have been there too and at some point you just have to swallow your pride and ask family for help. Inside they may judge you somewhat for the situation you are in but they love you and will not see you and your kids go down.

Reply to Foxybrown
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/14

Contact POWA or FAMSA for advise.

Reply to Maria

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