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Question
Posted by: rinah | 2004/11/26

im loosing her

i have been friends with jade since 2000, she is one of the people that i met when i came to live and work in the city. she is intelligent, mature, caring and has a pleasant personality.

jade was very supporting during my pregnancy period and i must say that she is one best friend that i have.

the problem started in october this year, i think she is avoiding me and giving an excuse that she is busy at work. she was promoted to assistant manager and she sometimes she has to go overseas for 3 days on work related matters, about once in a month.

she wants me or any of her friends to call her beforehand to arrange our visit. if u just show u she takes it as inconvenience or she will say that she is busy, unless if its an emergency. jade lives 2kilometres from me

in october2004 i called her to arrange for my visit, and she said " im studying for exams and i finish writing on the 15th october"

i called again on the 20th of october to arrange to visit her on saturday, this is what she said " i will be shopping with my flatmate and after that we are going for movies, on sunday im going to my other relative"

i also sent sms to borrow R50 and she did not answer it, instead my other friend called and offered to bring it to my flat.

i november 2004 i sent an email to arrange for my visit, there was no answer.
when i later called jade, she said she was out of the country and has not looked at her mails, but she is going to her parents" home to collect her car,so she wont be available.

i confronted her, and she said that she is swamped with work and that her work is demanding, and shes tired. i told her to call me when she is available, cause it looks like im wasting my time

maybe she does not want my friendship anymore, since shes now in high places.

in september 2004 she was complaining that i dont visit anymore and even joked that theres not a ghost at her flat.

she also tell me that she would like to have a child like me.

she was earning R5000 but now with the new promotion it has gone to R11 000. so i cant understand why she cant return my calls or sms. please advise me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe after her promotion, and with her more complex duties including the unsettling overseas travel, she actualy IS rather busy and inconvenienced if you just show --- I know that I don't appreciate it when even a dear friend drops in unplanned --- I have far too much to organize within my life and duties to just drop everything simply because somebody else had a dull evening or weekend and chose to drop in unannounced. She may well be feeling as tired and ragged as she explained --- and with a relatively new promotion, she probably feels she reall needs to prove herself and succeed, and doesnopt find it as easy to relax. Can't you speak to her about this, ( at a time she agrees she will be free to chat) and explain how you feel --- and find out how she feels ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/11/26

Firstly her salary is not your concern or your business and if her money is now getting to her head - let her be - she will soon come down to earth. People need time to get used unfamiliar things give her time ok. Rememer people with bigger salaries get bigger debts too - do not think that now because she earns better that financially she'll be better off - the more we have the more we want - it's a stupi thing about humans.
If you really miss her let her know after that the ball is in her court - just be open and honest.
Good Luck sweetie.
Take care
Juz

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/26

I think u must ask her. From my view, I think she feels that ur friendship dont add any value to her, thats why she is reacting like this

But its always good to hear from the horses mouth

Reply to Zee

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