Posted by: Confused | 2005/07/13

Im hurt and confused

I overheard my bf speaking to some lady on his cell Saturday evening, she was asking him where he was. We were on our way to my place from his. I asked him who it was, he couldn't answer my question instead he asked me if I dont trust myself and said there's going to be a problem if I'm developing jealousy. He left me wihout solving the problem then he came back Sunday evening saying he just wanted to see me and he left. We spoke Monday and Tuesday where he told me that he's trying to make ends meet after the suspicion, he was supposed to come and see me in the evening but he never pitched. I called him now and asked him if he didnt want tro speak to me he said he was busy and he would like to see me as soon as he's free.What now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

being as evasive as that certainly suggests that he's up to something, and the best answer for you would have been something like :" If you have a clear conscience, why must you hide who it is you're talking to ? " He sounds like the sort of guy, for whom you ought to be "far too busy" to see him next time he wants to see you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Teez | 2005/07/13

Hey there Confused

I know exactly what you mean and i am in the same shoes as you and i'm a guy and we live together.I have told her how i feel and i am living normally and what i have to say to you is that don't let anyone get you down and live your life cos you only i have 1.
Trust him and if he wants to tell you something then he will and don't give him more.Tell him that you want him to be completely open with you and you with him .Hell thats what relationships suppose to be anyway

Reply to Teez
Posted by: Confused | 2005/07/13

Thanks for all your responses. Liza and Deubel = Its not like Im letting him cheat on me as it is the first time Im experiencing such behaviour from him. Everything was running smoothly until last weekend. And Liza you just got out of a troubled marriage and I think you cant say you're happily single coz you'll still meet someone oneday and Im sure you'll get hooked up again so please pple, bear with me Im in love and shocked after that incident.

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Sunshine | 2005/07/13

Hey Confused,

The fact that he wasnt willing to discuss a concern that you had ("I asked him who it was, he couldn't answer my question instead he asked me if I dont trust myself" ) means he is not being very loving and understanding towards you and your feelings. In a healthy loving relatioship, if one person has a concern, whether it is jealousy or an insecurity, you must be able to chat about it toghether and be open and reach a solution that accomodates you both.
Also, what did he mean by "if you don't trust yourself"? That sounded like a convenient way to turn the situation around on you and take the focus off him.
You have done your part now and asked him to speak to you, what I would do now is phone him again tonight, after work, and ask him whats up and say that you want to know whats going on, dont be nasty, but just be straight forward, assertive, but keep cool and calm. You need to do this so you will know whether to carry on with your life, for example, break it off and to get closure on the subject. If he doesnt want to talk due to being "too busy", or if he doesnt pitch if he was supposed to after that, then cut yourself off emotionally and move on.
Its soooo much easier said than done, trust me, I know. But what helps (and is the BEST revenge ;), is to look good and be confident and happy. So, look after yourself, go do your nails, you know all that girl stuff, and go out and meet new people (guys, to be more specific).

Oh, and P.S. By giving him one more call after work would not be running after him, its just that you want to know exacly where you stand so that you can move on with your life and stop "worrying" about him...


Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/13

Most women confuse love with emotional attachment. You cannot really love someone who is abusing or using or mistreating you.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: Liza | 2005/07/13

When will women learn that 'love' is never a reason to hold onto something that is dragging you down? Perhaps I'm sounding bitter now, but I'd rather be single than have a bf that cheats on me, lies to me, manipulates me or hurts me in any other way.

Happily single

Reply to Liza
Posted by: EB | 2005/07/13


Don't allow him to hurt you. Know it's easy to say but you should also be 'unavailable' for him. He is currently using you as his personal comfort zone. Don't allow him to do that - you sound young, pretty and vibrant. Live your life - enjoy every minute of it WITHOUT him - he will come back pretty soon.

Reply to EB
Posted by: Prue | 2005/07/13

I must say I agree with SR. When they start with this sort of behaviour its a big no-no.

Reply to Prue
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/13

Confused = He is just not that into you. Maybe you are turning into his booty call?

Reply to SR

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