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Question
Posted by: Hope | 2005/11/28

I,m confused with my sexual orientation?

Hi,Doc!
I'm a male aged 21.It's been over a year trying to ignore my interest in looking at mens behind,thinking that it's temporary.At times I would be attracted to men(some of which are my friends, but I'vent told them as yet) sexually and sometimes just romantically and I would occationally dream having sex with a man.

At the moment I'm confused as to whether this is conclusive that I may be gay?

When I was between 5-10 years I used to play with dolls and I preferd the company of girls but as time went by I enjoyed the company of guys sometimes it would be sexualy but mostly it was on a friendship level.Could my past have a bearing at this?

where can I go to find out more information about this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Hope and welcome to our forum.

Playing with dolls or having a preference for girls when you're a child doesn't make you gay. Childhood sexual experimentation - with either boys or girls - is normal.

You describe being sexually and romantically attracted to men - indicating that you may indeed be gay if you're not similarly attracted to women. It is possible that you're in a process of 'coming out', which entails coming to terms with and accepting yourself as gay. A later part of this process would involve coming out to other people.

But you use the word 'conclusive' - nothing is conclusive, including human sexuality and I suggest you simply remain true to your feelings and explore where this takes you in terms of your desires and fantasies. You'll know soon enough whether you're straight or gay, or possibly even bisexual.

Call Triangle Project on (021) 448 3812 and ask them to post you a copy of the booklet, "Girls and girls, boys and boys" - it contains very useful information about coming out.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2005/12/01

"Turmoil" is probably the best way to put it.

The kicker for me, is that it's got me so wound up that i can't think of anything else. And when I DO think of something else, or manage to, I have strong feelings for the guy I'm with. Otherwise, I'm just a bundle of nerves, ready to cry at any moment.

Whenever I've thought "OK, I might be a lesbian.", just to get it off my mind...I start looking at guys again. Confusion, confusion.

I understand that it's probably all in my head, and that I should avoid labelling myself, I just don't know how to do that.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Hope | 2005/12/01

Thank u !For the input as it has resolved the turmoil I had within me.
Keep In Touch!

Reply to Hope
Posted by: Sam | 2005/11/30

I posted previously about this.

I have often wondered if I was a lesbian or bisexual, mainly because I wasn't getting asked out and I had a low self-esteem. I have been dating a guy for about a year now, and had sex for the first time about 6 months ago. I wasn't completley honest with him about it, and I went into a deep depression and spent a lot of time and energy trying to get the innocence that I had prior to us having sex back. I've felt strongly for him. I've never had romantic feelings for girls, and haven't really noticed beyond the whole "Yeah her butt looks good in those jeans, I should get a pair like that" kinda thing, but I was kind of an outsider growing up so I wasn't sure what was okay and what wasn't. I've always had crushes on guys, but in spite of this, sometimes I'd wonder if I were gay (usually while not crushing on a guy, of course). Then for about two years, after being hurt for the last time, I didn't think about dating anyone. Yeah, I'd fall for the occasional movie star (I'm embarrassed to admit that i had a crush on Stifler for awhile, hahaha), but no one I actually knew. I pretty much closed myself off because I was a) Afraid of getting hurt and b) realy didn't know what to do or how relationships worked.

So I've been with this guy for about a year now, and at one point I was really at my lowest (I was still recovering from the virginity thing...I should have been honest with him beforehand, I just didn't want him to know for some reason), I was out of town and then my aunt was talking about one of my cousins who's gay and I hit rock bottom, wondering if I was. I was devastated. Whenever I'm at my happiest I'm daydreaming about a life with this guy that I'm with, it's just that the issue about wondering if I am seems to have taken over my life. I've sat there and tried to imagine myself kissing another woman and i just can't picture it, and the thought eventually leads me to grimace. Yet I'm so insecure about myself right now, that I don't know what to do. I'm also wondering how important the natural instinct is- what I mean is, when my grandmother died a few weeks ago, I had to collect my thoughts and write her a eulogy, and for those 2 days I wasn't thinking about it, and all I could think about was how happy he makes me. Whenever I'm relaxed and not obsessing about making his and my relationship work or worrying about my sexuality, he makes me happier than I ever knew I could be.

I talked to him about this today and he suggested we take a break, but I really need to talk to him about it. I thought about coming out, but somewhere deep down I have a feeling that if I can get the conversation flowing again I'll stop worrying about it. I'm afraid of losing him but at the same time I'm worried about me.

Please help me figure this out.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Dyl | 2005/11/29

I can honestly say that MOST men/ladies feel exactly the same way as you are feeling now. Don't force yourself to make up your mind now as to weather you gay/straight/by now. you have plenty on time to come to the right choice for you.
what i can say is try dating both ladies and gent (not at the same time) and then make a decision as to your orientation. Don't try to force anything, all you will end up doing is making yourself unhappy in the long run.

good luck
dyl

Reply to Dyl
Posted by: Pete | 2005/11/28

Hi Hope,

Playing with dolls and enjoying girsl company are not signs that you are gay. If you feel emotional over a guy and he consumes your thoughts often then I think you may be gay. Just remember sexual orientation is not what is important what is important though is that you be happy and feel free to express your love for any human being. People are not exclusively gay or straight there are many that are inbetween. Good Luck on your journey.

Reply to Pete

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