Posted by: Mickey | 2009/08/22

im confused

dear CS
i dont know where to start,anyway i left home in 2006 to study ,i ended that year well and i couldnt go back to my studies the following year because i couldnt afford it any more,2007 i decided to stay at my boyfriends house hoping to find a job or something,my mother was against that but i stayed against her will,i havnt managed to find a job till now,some job opportunities come ,i get interviews but i dont get the jobs,im still trying ,theres a couple of jobs that ive applied for and im still mother and i are not speaking to each other,i havnt been home in a year,ive been thinking about going to visit her but it never realy happened,now my boyfriend is forcing me to go and visit her even threatening that we wont spend the holidays together(me and him)that i have to go home,he needs some time alone,doc i do understand and im planning to visit my mom for at least a month,but on my boyfriends part i dont understand his need to be alone,i never feel like i want to be away from him,i feel like he' s trying to get me out of the house or something,we are not fighting or anything,weve been together for 3 years ,i just dont know how to interprete this from him,when i do go home how do i mend things with my mother and how do i communicate with my boyfriend to make sure he is not up to something not that he has been but ive never been away this long,im scared,plz help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Splendid answer rom K in grahamstown. As for how to men thibngs with your mother, why not dasy you dont't want to argue over the past, but you would like to get comfortable with her again, and talk about the present and the future. You do sound very insecure and low in self-esteem, to feel so hesitant about being away from him for even a short wgile

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009/08/22

" How can I miss you if you won' t go away?" 

I REALLY don' t mean that to sound harsh at all, please don' t take it that way, but when I first heard this quip, it really spoke to me. And Kahlil Gibran said " let there be spaces in your togetherness" .

Maybe think about how, if you have some time apart, you can both assimilate things that will make you more interesting when you meet again. Bring in something fresh to your relationship? And remember that you really can manage fine, away from him...

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