Posted by: me | 2005/12/13

I've tried

I had the right psychologist and now Im leaving home for Grahamstown next year so I am stopping, My family and I honestly realised it was doing nothing, along with the meds and everything. Nothing can help me, its only when I get a wave of inspiration, when my mom tells me to put on weight cos I look disguisting, I rebel and lose more. Im not into losing more weight, I couldnt care anymore, but when I try put on weightI just feel too umcomfortable with a bulging stomach that I want to kill myself, its not that I care about putting on weight, its just so discomforting. My family is almost over my problem, no one talks about it, its become a way of life, only my mom deals with it now really.. its always been like that, my dad thinks disorders are just a teenage phase to be thin... He cant understand. Im just feeling like I am just meant to be like this forever, because all my freinds know nothing and my family puts it aside, its old news, Ive been sick too long, and I dont want to share it with my friends anymore, cos thats how I lost them in the first place, they couldnt deal with it. Im not seeing my cousellor Melissa anymore cos she said there are people with worse problems than me and I should quit this all, enough is enough..

what do you mean about someone working aggresively on issues with CBT, Iv been talking for two years and am so open about issues and my disorder, I have hardly any issues, I was a happy girl in grade 10 before it started for good... my only issues have arised from when my disorder began, like cutting, drinking and losing all my freinds because of it and issues with nearly being expelled from school cos of my state, being a danger to myself and 'fellow pupils'.

Ive played my fair share, and have co-operated... someone as strong minded as me should be over this by now, its not as if Im like the other girls you read about who still want to be sick and get closer to death. I have worked with eating experts... what difference did it make. I went to a nutritionist but my desire to vomit screwed up her neatly planned meals.

What you think would be best for me, I know Im an impossible case, please any any any advice appreciated
thanx a lot

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello me,
I flatly do not believe that you are an "impossible case", nor that "nothing can help me", though I can understand that it could fel that way for you. Eating disorders often involve a high degree of power struggles, within the individual and within the family --- I'd like to see you get well, and return to a normal weight for your height, as an exercise of your own power and capabilities, and irrespective of what your mom says about it. Otherwise you're cutting of YOUR nose to spite HEr face.
And remember too, that it is very natural that as one starts to return to a normally healthy weight, it AT FIRST often accumulates in the belly, with an initially bulging stomach --- but then, if you're patient, it redustributes itself to all the parts of your body which need it, and the stomach returns to a normal flat shape. The discomfort fades away.
I'm sorry if the therapists / counsellors you have worked with so far have been unable to help you sufficiently, or to sufficiently enlist your cooperation so as to beat this Eating Disorder. And I don't believe that it is possible for a skilled CBT oriented therapist to work on your real issues for 2 years without getting anywhere. The proces involves setting real measurable goals and working towards them. I repeat, as I have said before, if you could only devote the strength and determination you have used to remain eating disordered, to controlling the disorder, you could be fine and well and move on to succeed at other areas of life you will be free to enjoy
As Amy says, make the most of the academic and therapeutic oppotunities at Rhodes, and find better ways to use your strengths

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: twink | 2005/12/14

i've been in the EXACT same boat, and i still feel the way you do ... everyday.

it's easier to talk to someone who understands what you're going through,

if you feel like talking mail me at

-|- at homtail dot com

hang in there


Reply to twink
Posted by: Amy | 2005/12/14

Dear Me

I can empathise with what you are going through as I was in the same position three years when I left school to attend Rhodes in the midst of an eating disorder and depression. When I first came to Rhodes I thought that University was the best opportunity for me to start afresh, for me to forget the trauma I've been through, forget my troubles at home and make new friends who could accept me for the newly improved funny, socialite me - not the depressed, sad, and anxious me that I loathed. After two months my masking tactics were working well but it was so mentally taxing that eventually I sank into a deeper depression. I didn't seek help as I didn't want to admit to myself that my "fairytale instant recovery" had failed...when indeed I was kidding myself all along as there is no such thing as a miracle cure when it comes to eating disorders. I had mistaken myself by thinking that a change in my physical environment would mean an instant change in my psychological environment but indeed that was not the case.

Remember that your first year of University can be extremely stressful, there's expectations and responsibilities when it comes to your studies, your social life, your friends, etc and of course there are many amazing times of fun and excitement to be had. Just try to approach your new setting with a list of realistic goals that you have defined for yourself and not what anyone else has told you to do or achieve. In this way it will help you not to become so overwhelmed by your whole new experience which could trigger increased levels of anxiety and despair especially if you are already in a fragile state of mind. For anyone, leaving home for University is daunting and so that's why I think it is so important that you come to Rhodes with only have a plan of action (think of it as your survival first-aid kit) for what you want to do but a plan of action for what will happen if or when you feel as if you cannot cope in a certain situation. I would recommend that you visit the Rhodes Student Counselling Centre during Orientation week and perhaps talk to a pyschologist who can further assist you in acquiring the medical help you may need. Yes, Grahamstown is a small town however there are many qualified doctors who are regarded by many students as their trustworthy lifelines.

Lastly, I wish you all the best for your University career and I really do hope you reach out to those willing to listen next year like you've reached out on this forum.

You will be in my prayers xx

Reply to Amy
Posted by: brrn there | 2005/12/13

ok so u off to Rhodes - good for u. U are a very strong girl - do it for yourself - stuff everyone else - u deserve it! Guess what - its your diseases- get better for u......stuff ethe world do it. I believe u come from a wealthy family who actually love u to bits but do not know how to deal with u - u very strong minded - thats why i say u have control - DO IT NOW......F...your yuppie school and live your life ....your mom and dad want u back........I think your mom misses u big
u go girl

Reply to brrn there

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