Our expert says:
My condolences, cg, I know this is a tough time for you.
It is so normal, as I know full well, from my own grief and those of others I have worked with, that however much you did for someone who has died, you tend to feel guilty, wishing you could have done more, even if there was, in reality, no more to have done. One hopes for miracles however well one knows that they are impossible. Remember that you did more for him than most other people would have done, and maybe in some way resuming your work can be a form of tribute to him, as he would want you to carry on and regain strength soon.
Grief work is hard work, and takes months, and counselling from someone experienced in helping ( such as someone attached to your local Hospice ) may help. And this soon after such a loss, one runs to some extent on autopilot, with a sort of freezing of emotions that indeed feels like a zombie. The ice melts in time, first to the spring showers of tears, and later there are occasional and gradually extending episodes of sunshine,. too.
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