Posted by: Anon | 2005/07/26

I'm such a coward!!!

I believe I am a coward, I am a clever and strong young woman and yet I cant seem to get myself out of an emotionaly abusive relationship. Before I was never aware that I am being abused, but thought it was normal problems in the relationship. This was my first real bf, we met at varsity and thought the world of this guy. This guy suffers from deep insecurities and complex issues and I have been the scapegoat of this. I'm now fully aware of what this guy does to me... the constant accusations (which drive me crazy more than anything), lies, cheating etc. I have read a lot about emotional abuse, and that its consequeses can be much more severe than physical abuse. I have learnt of similar situation on this forum.

I dont think I can live with this anymore but I just have the guts to get out. Some one on this forum mentioned that there is a difference between love and emotional attachment, and I think my situation is rather the case of emotional attachment and protecting my child, as he is the father, (well a part time father for that matter, he doesnt even have a relationship with his child). How can I just close my eyes and walk away without hurting and feeling guilty that I've let him down?

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Our expert says:
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OK, so you're being emotionally abused. Call POWA which specifically advises women in abusive relationships on how to get out of them, and get away from this loser, taking your child with you. YOu will NOT have let him down by saving yourself and your child from all the abuse --- HE has let you down, and apparently doesn't feel in the least guilty about what he has done.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dee | 2005/07/26

Emotional abuse can happen to anyone and most women stay a while so NO you are not a coward.You have already made a decision:You want to leave.What you simply need to do then is put your decision to action- leave.Move away from him and establish your own support sytem ie prioritise your frends and family,get some air.You will realise how much better life is without his input.But he needs to support the child.Its best to sue him for maintenence.I am not certain if he should get visiting rights.If he is harmful to you he could be harmful to your child.Protect your child

Reply to Dee
Posted by: ... | 2005/07/26

if you can't do this for yourself..then at least do it for your child. raising your child in an environment of emotional abuse not good for the child.. also in order to raise a happy and stable child you need to have a happy and stable environment.

you deserve to be happy too and not brought down by guilt which he will most probably play on big time.

you are worried about letting him down.. but what about you? he has let you down and you're continuing to worry about letting him down... in doing so, you are also letting yourself down and your child down.

it is hard to leave... its not easy making a new life.. but once you do it and start to feel what true freedom is like.. you wont regret it at all.

You're not a coward at all.. so stop calling yourself that because you'll start to believe it and that won't help you much.
you're a strong woman doing the best she can and trying to make the best out of a bad situation but you can't change him... and so the next thing is to get out and look after yourself and your child as best you can. you and your child deserve it.

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Posted by: Nona | 2005/07/26

Yep there is a difference between love & emotional attachment. I think your best bet would be to consult with a therapist on your actual thoughts around all this as they would be more apt to assist you accordingly, especially seeing as you would be able to go into much more detail on a one-to-one basis,
Be it love or emotional attachment, in my opinion, there isn't a way you can walk away without feeling hurt. Although feeling you let him down is something you bring on yourself as it is not about him but YOU.

Reply to Nona

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