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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2008/05/28

I'm stuck

I saw you on facebook somewhere, great idea I didn't know there was a space like this, i am 32, a man, married with a kid and i think that just maybe i am bisexual or even gay, on the one hand it FREAKS me out totally, its like a monster that I try to keep in a locked box under my bed but on the other hand it is compelling and I try so hard to stay away from even thinking about it because I really do love my wife 100% and no one will ever come between me and my son. This is the first time ever that I've even come this far, to write about it but maybe that's because its so anonymous. But I want to know if there are other guys who feel like this as well?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Welcome to the forum Anon and thanks for posting.

Countless guys feel like you do - you are certainly not alone. I am sure you love your wife and son, what you are experiencing does not in any way negate the feelings you have for them. Your homoerotic thoughts do not necessarily make you gay - we're all located somewhere on a continuum between being 100% gay and 100% straight, and like everyone else you're located somewhere between these two extremes. It could be that you're bisexual, but - depending on how strong these impulses are - you may never act on them.

However, at some point you will need to acknowledge the content of that box - its part of who you are as a person. And again, it doesn't automatically mean that you're gay - don't be afraid that what's in the box will somehow label you as a person. If you don't process that content it will continue to be a monster. as you call it. You're trying to hold a ball inflated with air under water - the ball is energised to come to the surface and you're wasting much psychological energy by trying to keep it under water.

Once you can actually see the content for what it is you may find it isn't so intimidating after all.

I hope you'll keep posting and I know you'll find plenty of support here.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/06/02

Yes Anon...Jack Horner is very much living at home with his family.
Post a question to him if you really want his side of the story...you just can't ask for personal details here, anything else is fine...enjoy! Best of Luck!

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Anon | 2008/05/29

Yikes - thank you expert and everyone, plenty to think about, and a question for Jack Horner (may I?), are you in the same situation now?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Jack Horner | 2008/05/28

welcome to the club buddy, you are not alone......

Reply to Jack Horner
Posted by: Gareth | 2008/05/28

Oh my, Anon, you are certainly not alone at all. There are thousands of guys just like you, and quite a few on this forum, some in further stages of acceptance, some in denial.
So if you feel like pouring your heart out, this is the place to do so.
Also, this little monster will eat you up from inside if you try to ignore it, believe me. Been married as well when I came out. So face it. And that doesn't mean that you should come out and leave your wife etc etc etc. It just means that you should deal with what you are feeling, and get to a place where you can accept who you are, and learn to love yourself as you are.
So if at all possible, try to get to a therapist that you can openly speak to about what you are feeling, and that can help you in this process.
Good luck buddy and please feel free to ask anything on here

Reply to Gareth
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/05/28

Welcome to the club Anon.

You are not the only one and it does not mean you are or arent.

Professional therapy is an opinion if you believe that it could disrupt your life otherwise dont make things to be what they are not and keep a level head at "investigating" yourself.

Why do you feel this way and what exactly prescibes to this "monster in the box"?

You say on the one side is scares you and on the other side it "excites" you and the only way you are going to get answers will be to deal with these feelings and not keep it locked under the "bed"

Coming here is a good start and feel free to talk about it here

Nikkits

Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/05/28

....and when I finally hit rock bottom, I faced up to things, and decided to see a Therapist about MY locked box under my bed. It took quite a few years, and plenty of sessions, before I one day 'lost it' and told my wife about the 'true me'.
Today, I have two perfectly 'normal' teenagers, a wonderful and caring boyfriend, and an Ex Wife who is still my 'best friend'. My kids constantly role up at the house - I'm their Dad, and absolutely nothing has changed. They also get on extremely well with my b/friend. In fact they often disappear with him shopping etc, and I get left at home!
Hopefully this WILL give you some hope...and no, nothing will EVER come between you and your son. Being Bi-sexual or Gay for that matter has absolutely nothing to do with being a lousy father, or someone 'strange' that loses Custody, or any of the sorts.
I obviously took quite a few knocks during my acceptance phase, but looking back now...hey, this is the best thing I ever did. The 'Monsters' gone forever....
There are many married Guys on this forum, and other Ex married Guys too - with similar stories to mine. Don't feel alone...there are thousands out there that feel like you. Come back and chat with us. You are most welcome. Cheers

Reply to Deeve

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