Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Welcome to the forum Anon and thanks for posting.
Countless guys feel like you do - you are certainly not alone. I am sure you love your wife and son, what you are experiencing does not in any way negate the feelings you have for them. Your homoerotic thoughts do not necessarily make you gay - we're all located somewhere on a continuum between being 100% gay and 100% straight, and like everyone else you're located somewhere between these two extremes. It could be that you're bisexual, but - depending on how strong these impulses are - you may never act on them.
However, at some point you will need to acknowledge the content of that box - its part of who you are as a person. And again, it doesn't automatically mean that you're gay - don't be afraid that what's in the box will somehow label you as a person. If you don't process that content it will continue to be a monster. as you call it. You're trying to hold a ball inflated with air under water - the ball is energised to come to the surface and you're wasting much psychological energy by trying to keep it under water.
Once you can actually see the content for what it is you may find it isn't so intimidating after all.
I hope you'll keep posting and I know you'll find plenty of support here.
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