Posted by: Dosie | 2005/11/24

I'm pregnant - but it's not my boyfriends baby

Hi. I'm eighteen and last year I decided I wanted a baby. (I finished school a year early because I was "older" than those my age.) Anway, I really was very broody. My mom was sixteen when she had me and my dad nineteen so I didn't see why not. I discussed it with my boyfriend (we had already been having sex for two years at the time) and he agreed that if it was what I wanted we could try. We tried for about four months - nothing was working and my boyfriend was getting frustrated. So one day, while waiting for my guy at his house his brother came in. I explained to him all my troubles about the whole baby thing and he said that he would give it a go if I didn't mind. I didn't see why not at the time, I thought it might work and I knew we didn't feel anything for each other so it wasn't really about love - I loved my boyfriend not him. So, six weeks later I took a pregnancy test and to my surprise I was pregnant. My boyfirend was and still is so excited about the baby but deep down I knew it wasn't his baby, his brother doesn't know either - he didn't think our fling had worked and that eventually his brother and I managed to conceive. I have a month left of the pregnancy and I'm really looking forward to having my baby. What should I do - how can I found out who the baby's father is, oh, and should I tell any of them. My boyfriend says he wants to marry me after I have the baby but is it right to marry a man who isn't the rightful father of my soon to be baby girl?

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Our expert says:
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You have already created a web of lies here and entraping your boyfriend into marrying you when it is not his child would be very unfair of you. For you to also have sex with his brother behind is back is unfeeling, deceitful and will be very destructive within your boyfriend's family. In short, you have done a very very irresponsible thing of which you are now having to bear the consequences. You and his brother are responsible for a deep betrayal of your boyfriend and you should be deeply ashamed of yourself.

The only way of finding out who the father is is to have a paternity test which requires a blood test of the potential fathers and the baby.

The circumstances in which you are bringing this child into the world have been very selfish without any thought for your baby or your boyfriend. Even if this does turn out to be your boyfriends child you have still betrayed him and you will have to work through your emotions in this regard.

You are about to become a mother - its time to wake up, grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mel | 2005/12/10

Personally I think you've been watching too many episodes of Ricki Lake! Your story doesn't sound real, it's just too Santa Cruz meets Brooke Forrester.

Before someone gives you a DNA test they should give you a lie detector test!

Reply to mel
Posted by: Tragedy | 2005/12/08

I'm not going to "yell" at you because I know being pregnant at such a young age is stressfull, planned or not. But I do think that it was a highly irresponsible decision on your part to have sex with his brother because you wanted a baby. If you honestly loved your boyfriend, you wouldn't have betrayed his trust like that. And having a baby at such a young age isn't something you just wake up and say "Hey, let's make a baby." It's something you plan for. (hopefully, that would certainly make it easier) You need to make sure you are emotionally and mentally prepared to raise a child. I think your decisions were very irresponsible and selfish, and you need to tell your boyfriend the truth. If he doesn't want to be with you anymore, you'll have to understand that. You did something that will change your lives forever. Now you have to live with the consequences.

Reply to Tragedy
Posted by: anon | 2005/12/07

Pathetic!! Good luck to your baby being stuck with someone like you!! For future reference, you dont have babies because you feel like it. You are not married, not old enough and I'm guessing you are probably not working either. Then people wonder why orphans roam our streets!!!! You couldnt even commit to your boyfriend for 2 years!! Now you want to commit to a child for 21 years. Good luck. I wish schools could make "common sense" a subject....

Reply to anon
Posted by: mike | 2005/11/26

This is one of the strangest situations I've ever seen. The whole idea of casually having his brother give it a go seems sooooo wrong. I feel sorry for your boyfriend, your deception will cause problems you can not imagine. It would have been better to have your boyfriend see a doctor to check out his sperm count etc.

Reply to mike
Posted by: Wondering | 2005/11/25

Looking at your actions I really wonder if you are ready to have a baby. Do not seem as if you have the emotional intelligence to bring up kids yet!! In anycase, maybe its time to grow up, believe me the truth will surface one way or the other - Time to be honest and tell all affected parties.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: dazzy | 2005/11/24

woahh girl!! there is some explaining to do to your boyfriend!
but take my advice get a DNA test. and see if it is really your boyfriends brother's baby. another thing, dont keep it a secret. tell your your boyfriend, maybe he will understand. if not, well good luck girl!!!!

Reply to dazzy

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