Posted by: Annie | 2004/02/09

I'm paranoid

Please tell me if its normal. I'm always paranoid that something terrible will happen to my daughter or boyfriend. I have a 2 year old daughter, I sometimes wake up at night to check and see if she is beathing.I dont want to take her to creche I'm afraid she might fall , get sick or die. I'm so pre occupied with death it's even scaring me. If my boyfriend went out on a trip and time goes by without him calling I always think that something wrong has happened and he's dead. I even get scared to pick up the phone in case it's the police wanting to tell me the bad news. I'd hug my daughter everyday and tell her that I want to age and die before her ,I'm afraid I'm losing it.Is this normal . I check food labels to see if there's anything harmful that could kill my daughter, I check under the bed everynight in case there's a dangerous spider that can bite her and kill her. I'm really sick of this,but I cant take it off my mind . Please helpo , is it normal , am I being over protective ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Anie,
Sounds rather like an anxiety disorder, which is normal but uncomfortable ! Some folks are dangerously blissfully unaware of the potential risks of life. But some, like you, are overaware of such risks, to the extent that you end up being hugely distressed for long periods of time when the risk is actually very small, and your distress produces no added safety at all. It's probably not cheerful for your daughter to receive daily hugs with the announcement that you want to die before her. Someone once said that if we love someone, though losing them would be awfully painful, we might not pray to go first, as we'd want to spare them the pain of losing us.
Why I think you and your daughter would benefit if you'd see a shrink to work on reducing this excess anxiety, is that it's not doing you or her any good, and you're going somewhat over the top. Do you ralize how rare it is for there to be anything lethal within canned food ? And if that happened by chance, it wouldn't be on the label. And do you recognize how rare really poisonous spiders are, and how rarely they lurk under anyone's bed ?
Being ovr-protective isn't a great idea, because it can make it harder for a child to learn to protect herself. Some counselling and treatment for your excess anxiety might help you get things into perspective, and become an even better Mom.

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Our users say:
Posted by: 1st Time Mommy | 2004/02/10

Hi Annie

I can somewhat relate to what your feeling.
My son is 5 months old and my biggest fear is a cot death, I wake up I don't know how many times a night and put my hand on his tummy to make sure it's moving up and down. Then I can relax and sleep until it's time to check on him again.

My other fear is that something happens to me and his father gets him and I can't let that happen as his father drinks heavily and takes drugs so his not quit himself when his high or drunk he get aggresive and abusive.

His father is not interested in him and wants nothing to do with him and at this stage I'm just fine with that in fact I'm more than just fine with that. My son doesn't even know he has a father, he only knows mommy granny and grandpa.
My family doesn't know about the drugs and I don't know what will happen to my son if something happens to me, I need to know that my parents will get him no matter what and his father can have visitation rights.

We all have our fear yours is driving you nuts, mine is scaring the living daylights out of me.

Keep Well
1st Time Mommy

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