Posted by: Love101 | 2008/01/22

I'm hurting

i'm a responsible, in cotrol type of person so i would like to think. I have 2 problems:
1. I'm in a relationship of 4 yrs we have been to hell and back but i dont feel appreciated by my better half, i feel like i'm giving and giving in this relationship and getting nothing back, he is my first love and all but i'm tired. this morning i found a way to describe our situation "If we are so in love, how come we are so unhappy" i feel pain just thinking about the love that i have for him and he so selfish and does not think much about me (well i think) but his response is that he loves me no matter what. I'm in the middle of the crisis i love him so much and i dont want to lose him

2. I'm young and successful (so i think) but my parents dont trust me. i want to move out of the house as i need my independence but they wont budge, not that i have given them a reason not to trust me but they just dont trust me. my dad is going on about me getting out of the family house when i get married but it doesn't look like i will get married considering the above. i mean i'm 26 yrs old i need my own space. i have renovated my parents house i have done everything people my age wouldn't do but still they dont think i'm responsible enough.

sorry to be long and give you stress so early in the morning.

your responses will be highly appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Is it that he doesn't appreciate you at all ? Or is he unskilled at showing his appreciation in ways you can understand and appreciate in turn ? Why not see a relationship counsellor together ?
On the second issue, do you need your parents to trust you ? Sounds, incidentally, as though this could, also, be a background to your sense ofg being unappreciated within the relationship, too. YOu're long past the age at which it is reasonable for you to move out on your own, and you don't need their permission, approval or applause. If after all you['ve done enough they somehow don['t think you responsible enough, that's tough for them perhaps but needn't be tough for you. Be responsible, as you apparently are, for yourself and to yourself --- theyn haven't a right to make special demands on you at this stage of your life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Sue | 2008/01/22

Love 101 you sound exactly like my boyfriend, that i dont love and care for him and appreciate him, he too is a in control type of person.... all the things he says to me are untrue, just like what you saying about your bf.

We now go to a counsellor (call lifeline or FAMSA to make an appointmen, its free), they counsellor showed my bf that a person that is in controlling etc expects certain things from there partner which they cannot always give as its not in there nature, the counsellor taught us to communicate our needs better to one another instead of playing blame games. Communication and the way you do it is such a vital thing in a relationship expecially if you want it to be sucessful.

With regards to your parents, you are old enough now to make your own decisions and its unfair of you parents to be telling you the things that they are saying, maybe you should talk to them and express exactly how you are feeling rather.

Reply to Sue
Posted by: Destroyed | 2008/01/22

Sorry to hear that you are hurting i am in at this point destroyed , me and my girlfriend where together for 8years and sunday she told me that she doesnt feel the same way about me as i do about her and that she needs time on her own. I realy realy love her and i cannot imagine a world without her. I am phisically sick i cant eat drink or sleep and my hands are shaking . So dont waste another moment on this guy who doesn't love you , the more time passes the worse it gets. If anyone out there have advice for me please i would greatly appreciate it.

Reply to Destroyed
Posted by: Love101 | 2008/01/22

Thank u very much CS, the core of the problem is that he insist that he cares and appreciates me but his actions tell me a different story, dont know weather he doesn't know how to show appreciation or he doesn't appreciate at all. where do i find relationship counsellors and how much do they cost? i think we need to see one.

on the second issue i dont need my parents to trust me as i have never given them a reason not to trust me but i believe in my parents blessing in everything i do (culture). its just that i was shocked at their response as if they dont trust that i can make it on my own not that they made any demands it was my choice to take care of them and i will still take good care of the family even when i dont live with them.

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