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Question
Posted by: I'm Hurting | 2007/08/05

I'm Hurting

My husband forced me to have an abortion last year. Everytime i try and talk to him about my feelings he turns things into a huge fight. In Feb of this year his sister had a baby. He is all nice to her and her baby and this upsets me. He hated our baby and hated me being pregnant and even threatened to leave me if i had kept our baby. I never told a single soul and never went back to the hospital for my check-up... I had to deal with the pain alone. I cry almost every night because i'm so lonely. I miss my baby so much! I am angry because i do everything for him, i buy face in public for him, i have to deal with his family issues, deal with his issues, clean his mess up, whilst he does nothing. If it's finances I go around begging outside people to help even though he's capable of helping! He tells me he's making me a stronger person. He let's his family members pick fights with me and never intervenes. I've been in 2 accidents(no serious injuries) and 1st time he told me he did me a favour by coming to the scene and the 2nd time he never came with me to find a panelbeater or the police station. I'm frustrated, i am hurting and i'm angry... My main issue is how can he be so loving towards his sister's baby and never even discuss the baby he never wanted. Things are so bad that i find myself hating my sister-in-law's kid. How can i get him to deal with this issue without sounding like i'm nagging?

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Our expert says:
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Of course you're hurting. Nobody should ever "force" anyone to have an abortion--- that must have been a horrible experience for you. He sounds, from your description, like a comprehensively lousy husband and companion. He ought to be wanting to deal with these issues anyway, without nagging from you or anyone.
See a personal counsellor, first of all, to deal with your grief and to realistically assess your options --- and look at whether there is continuing value for you in remaining with someone so apparently selfish and cruel and thoughtless.

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