Our expert says:
It sounds as if you have fallen for a person who is kind, loving and gentle, and she happens to be a woman. So I'm not sure it's as simple as 'choosing'. If you had feelings / suspicions about sexual interest in women in the past, then possibly you 'chose' to suppress those...However, it may just be that YOU fell in love with the person, regardless of their sex.
In difficult situations like that which you have described it is very difficult to resist what must feel like an oasis of calm and pleasure. However, I would recommend that given your experience now, you make some serious decisions about your relationship before continuing with this affair. Whether it is with a man or a woman, an affair distorts your sense of reality and balance, and you need to do some serious thinking. Relationships which start as affairs can work, but many have great difficulties because the relationship is conceived when you are in such a difficult emotional space, and she is being the rescuer. This dynamic may shift if you leave for her, and the relationship may not be what you expected it to be.
In summary, I would recommend that you prioritise trying to sort out your marital situation first. Either take a strong stand for things to change (and see whether that works) or end it. If you end it, then take some time to settle down and rediscover yourself which is likley to have been lost a little, and then see if this relationship could work.
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