Posted by: Dark Horse | 2009/01/20

I want to kill myself

i am 31. If you are outside my life, you will think o she' s just a bored housewife and she needs a good slap. But I feel no I have no support at all with my 3 kids. I never even leave the house anymore, only ever to tae the kids to where they must be. I have no friends where I live and i don' t want to make any either any more. I just want to die and not deal with my empty and broken heart and soul.

Truth is that I am so tired. My life is a constant struggle. I have to fight for every little thing i get. I just don' t have the energy to deal with my life alone anymore (yes i am married) but i am also alone. Nobody cares about me or ever treats me with empathy and respect. I am never made to feel as if I am important and wanted. In fact, I am literally talked over in conversations.

I have tried to kill myself so many times but i seems to even screw that i. Because here i am, stil stealing oxygen.

I think that this time i should plan it meticulously. I just am scared.

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Our expert says:
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No, I don't think you need a slap at all. You sound very seriously depressed, and need proper assessment and treatment. You and your children deserve that. Call Lifeline in the short-term, and arrange to see a good local psychiatrist as soon as possible, for assessment and advice. Remember, apart from the fact that with effective treatment you could be genuinely enjoying life and your family and other opportunities in life, but that with ANY attempt, nomatter how carefully planned, there is a high risk of simply damaging yourself unpleasantly, and having all your existing problems plus new ones. Don't do it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Mom | 2009/01/20


I read your message.

Please don' t forget that children do need and love you.

Imagine the impact it will have on them? They will be vulnerable to all types of things! Without there mother to watch over, talk to and protect them they could end up being abused or worse.... I don' t even want to mention the terrible things that could happen, it' s disturbing.

But if I may share a little story with you. My friend was 14 when her father committed suicide due to money worries, she was pregnant before her 15th birthday from a much older man - why because she so desperately wanted the love and affirmation of a man. Later in life she got involved with another much older man who gave her another child, but has brought her so much misery by beating and abusing her that she tried to commit suicide, it is a lucky thing that her mother has a key to her apartment and arrived when she did or both those little girls wouldn' t have a mom right now.

Do you see what I am saying though - your children will be effected if you killed yourself, God himself only knows what reaction would be put into play..... your children could end up with fates far worse and terrible than your own......

I know things look bleak, but there is a way out... getting a part time job, even at your local supermarket doing admin half day or something, some time for you to interact with other people and build up your confidence.... or like one of the other posters said, join a gym or you know what I think would be super for you, why not join your local church and get super involved with arranging church functions and all that - there you will meet some lovely people and build up confidence through God....??? Just a suggestion.... and dont'  get me wrong, there are also not so nice people at churchs, the type of people who are self proclaim Perfect Christians, but you get that type everywhere, but ignore those type and mingle with the genuine people.

I hope you will see the light through the trees very soon and I hope that Life Line will help lift your spirits and put you on the right track. God bless and keep you

Reply to Mom
Posted by: JMB | 2009/01/20

I am in the same situation. To make it very bad, my mother recently rejected (long story) me, I have no friends, I live in a small bachelor' s flat all alone.

I also suffer from depression but I am hanging in there. Sometimes getting through one day can be like walking across the Sahara with no water ... I usually find myself crying in the shower, I feel like I am dirty and ugly all the time Р yeah I guess I can go on and on ... but I am working to make it better.

Fact is, you need help. Don' t kill yourself. It will make nothing better, just try and change and get some help, even these strangers are concerned. You can go on medication, make a change in your daily life, do exercise, do things that takes you out of your comfort zone.

Anyway, good luck, I hope you take this serious, remember: You are not alone ...

Reply to JMB
Posted by: Zee | 2009/01/20

Is it possible for u to look for a job, get out of the house take the kids to school, pre school and get someone to help u around the house. I have four kids working my daugter and I share house chores when she comes home from school she cleans and I have do the rest and I find so much joy in doing stuff for my kids and spending time with them. I have a financial crisis and I busy dealing with since I took the decision to be at home more and save money by not having a helper it' s too much but the money is helping.

Don' t give up pray God loves u and do something about your situation.

Good luck

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Just someone who cares | 2009/01/20

Father' s Love Letter
An Intimate Message From God To You.

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother' s womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don' t know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I' ll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I' ll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is… 
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

Reply to Just someone who cares
Posted by: we all care | 2009/01/20


the fact that so many people respond to u does mean that people do care even if they dont know u. maybe just sit down and tackle life with a plan. write your plan down - so firts phone life line then see the dr. then follow his advice then and this should be no. 1 pray believe then believe in yourself too. maybe you should also just tell your husband and family how you feel. maybe you should start going to gym you will meet new peopl. just force ye self to do things.

anyway I dont know u but i just knwo u can make your life work and u can be very happy. mmmwahhh kisses for u - dont worry i am a male.

Reply to we all care
Posted by: Just me | 2009/01/20

I know how you feel... I have been there, I also almost stepped in front of a truck I was so depressed, literally, I was standing waiting for it to get close enough - the only thing that stopped me was the fear that I would live a vegetable :( then I would really have something to want to kill myself for and I wouldn' t even be capable of doing it as a vegetable......

But you know what changed the way I felt shortly after that - was God, I turned to God and I got on my knees and I prayed and wept for healing, healing from the hurt others had cause me by offending me (like just talking right over me in mid-conversation) healing/ deliverance from the overwhelming belief I had that I was worthless and didn' t have a right to want things for myself.

Healing from the shame of my past (my parents were alcoholics that cause me a lot of shame with my friends/boyfriends etc) I was walking around with these hidden chips on my shoulder.

I then asked for healing in my relationship with my husband.... and I had to choose to forgive a lot of people, including myself and my husband, my family, colleagues or anyone who had hurt me.... I wept and wept and wept and God healed my heart and delivered me from the captivity I had put myself in through unforgiveness, shame, hurt... etc... and today I am a stronger woman, I am assertive, I will not allow people to talk over me. I have confidence. God changed my life, when i surrendered to Him, He rescued me.

I just want to pray for you right now, right here..... Lord, may you lead and guide this woman to healing, may You show her the way to break the vicious cycle in her life, reveal the thing that are hindering her and deliver her from the depression that oppresses her. Lord may you re-affirm in her life, that you have a purpose and plan for her and that she is the apple of Your eye, that You knitted her together in her mothers womb and that even the very hairs on her head are number by You. That You chose her when you planned creation - as your word says.

If no one else in this world think you are worth anything - know that to God, you are worth everything!

God bless you, protect you and be your portion

Reply to Just me
Posted by: oz | 2009/01/20

The other day there was a program on TV when this small woman walk in, and I mean small, and her husband was normal size, and then they show how she is doing all her work in the house,she feeds her baby and do all her washing and ironing herself, and I think to myself, here I am sitting, Ive got everything and I am still moaning.How ungreatfull can a person be. I saw a vidio of a guy, no arms, also very smaal, no legs, just a litte foot with tree toes, he brush his teeth by pushing the brush into some specially made contraption, moving his head from side to side, he communicate with other people by typng with his toe on the keybord of the computer, he kiks a ball with this one litte foot his has.And here I am sitting worried myself to death about not having enough money to buy luxiers, so thet my life can be a bit easy, I have a headacke, I moan I have a bit of flu I moan.
Just think for one moment what do we have in life, before killing yourself, go to a ward at the hospital where there is little children with cancer, they dont know if the sun is going to shine for them tommorrow, not even you and I knows that, go onto your knees and pray to God that he my safe and protect you. You say thet you are married, did you talk to your husband about it.Tell him your feelings. Come on britten up and think what you have in life dont waste it.

Reply to oz
Posted by: Mom | 2009/01/20

Please don' t do that....would you like another to take care of your kids...there is no knowing what will be done with them....ill treted help honey...I know where you coming' s a lonely feeling...but yes pray as well...recently the lord has finally looked down on me and decided I have had enough of the very same you going life has changed around...I now have a smile on my face...take the family with you for counscelling....if it' s the marraige...seekd help...or if it' s just time to move on do so....don' t hang in there thinking it' s for the kids need happiness and a shoulder to cry ear to listen and strong arms to comfort you...god has plans for us...and I found partners as well...just takes time to find the right one but it will happen....lots of love...keep well.

Reply to Mom
Posted by: Mthizo | 2009/01/20

Dont be a coward,We all have problems in our lives sometimes,Trust in the Lord,Have Faith and everything will be ok

Reply to Mthizo

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