Posted by: Miserable | 2005/11/28

i want out

My b/f of 3 yrs admitted over a year ago that he has also been seeing someone else for the past 5yrs.i was devasted,felt betrayed and i stayed as he begged me to.i love this man so much but i feel that my love is not being reciprocated.i've sacrifised so much for him but he is not willing to do the same for me.Recently i was going through his stuff and i found pictures and messages from him to her telling her how much he loves her.he never tells me he loves me.i snooped because i needed to know the truth.he never does nothing to show his love for me.My mind is telling me to leave him but my heart wont let me.I am so miserable that i cry myself to sleep every night and sometimes right in front of him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What puzzles me about the many queries like this is not just that a guy was unfaithful, but that after he'd insisted that it was all over and done, he still keeps pictures and messages --- one should not allow oneself to be sentmental about such unfaithful affairs, nor to keep souvenirs of one's misconduct
And don't get trapped by the common delusion that ANYOBNE is the only man with whom you could be happy --- there is no such creature

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: jasmin | 2005/11/28

how i know what you are going through, im going through it now aswell. im married for 4yrs been with him for 8yrs. he is also lying cheating doing drugs but the only difference is he tells me how much he loves me and he knows i want to leave but says to give him a chance and he will change. it hurts so much when he looks at me and says how much he loves me when i know their is someone else ive seen his messages in his phone. my head says run sart over but when i look at him my heart just melts and i think of how much i love him. what if i regret leaving how do you carry on without him. how do i find the strenght to take that step foward and move on. one thing on my mind is can he actually change or is it just words that he says?

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Posted by: Guess | 2005/11/28

please leave the bastard, the same happened to me and it was difficult for me to leave him i forgave him and he did it again i dumbed him and blame myself for the time wasted that i should have left him the first time i was made aware that he's been cheating. Dont waste anymore time with him run away

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Posted by: ... | 2005/11/28

i think you should do an exercise for yourself and actually write down all the things you actually love about this man.... it's hard for me to even think that anyone in your situation could love someone who treated them so badly.... i think, if you are really honest with yourself you'll find that you are more in love with the idea of being in love.. and with the idea that he might love you.. than you are actually in love with this man... also.. you have created a life around this man... and not having him in your life would change things... and you fear that feeling of loneliness or not having someone in your life.........
thing is.... right now you are still lonely... you have this man in body only as part of your life... he isn't with you as a man should be... he doesn't show you love or respect.... and you have to keep guessing whether he loves you.......
the fact that he begged you to stay doesn't mean he loves you... it means that he is a selfish man who doesn't care about how you feel... as long as he can have you and this woman... the stuff the rest!!

You need to realise that this life is more miserable than it will be without him around........ it might be hard for you in the beginning to adjust to the circumstances... but with time... you will begin to feel grateful that you have left... and that you have the opportunity to commit to another man who will show you the love and respect that you deserve to have..........

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Posted by: Miserable | 2005/11/28

no,im not staying with him.

Thank u all,especially ~Wings~,i keep telling myself those things over and over again.i dont want to be miserable for the rest of my life.He's not worth my tears,my love or pain.i need to get rid of him but im worried that i might be even more miserable without him but i also dont want to end up in hospital either due to a nervous break-down.So i'd much rather lose him.i have decided now........i am going to start 2006 afresh.........on my own.

Reply to Miserable
Posted by: fin/ex | 2005/11/28

why are you staying? what are you getting out of this? i ask this because i too stayed in an awful relationship for years - my one main reason i think was because i obviously didnt like myself or else i wouldnt have wanted to keep on hurting myself (or letting the ex hurt me) - which is essentially what you are doing by staying. take care of yourself. be gentle and stop allowing this awfulness into your life. love yourself and do what you would tell someone you love to do in the situation. the part of you that makes you stay - be firm with it, let the loving you take control....if any of this makes sense...i hope. but really it isnt worth the pain, there is a better less anxious happier life out there..if you'll only take the plunge
good luck

Reply to fin/ex
Posted by: Brown | 2005/11/28

u need to move out or give him a boot. its not that easy but i'm telling u after u do it u'll feel much better. "he's just not that into you" its a book u should buy and read it. Men are very selfish, when u cheat on them they either kill u or physically abuse u.
you don't deservr the stress he's putting you through.

Reply to Brown
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/28

Get out of this relationship with this guy. It is destructive and will eventually destroy you. I know it is very difficult and painful for you, but you need to do it for your own dignity and self-worth. He's not worthy of you.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: SR | 2005/11/28

He needs to be a man and be with the one he wants to. If she does not love him but is using him then he only has himself to blame.

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Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/11/28

Dear Miserable
Im sorry to hear about this kind of deceit and I hope that you realise this is not your fault at all.

Firstly you need to let you head take over while you make this be decision. You KNOW that you're not happy, You KNOW he's not treating you with respect, or love, so now it's time to cut ties and make the leap of faith.

I know this is hard, but the fact is that you can't go on like this, it's a new year soon, and what better way to start the year than with a clean cut. This man has deceived you, he has manipulated you and now it's time to move on because you deserve happiness and prosperity!

Nothing changes if nothing changes, so it's up to you to take a stand, this man sounds like a dog! Start making plans girl, and the rest will fall into place, but until you take that first step to a new life, as scary as it might be, you'll be with this man for the rest of your life, and he'll still be lying, cheating and hurting you. You deserve better and there is better waiting for you out there.

All the best to you. Remember - while your heart is aching, let your head take over.


Reply to ~Wings~
Posted by: Helena of Troy | 2005/11/28

Why have you not moved out ?

Or if it's your place moved him out & changed the locks ?

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