Posted by: Lois_Lane | 2005/12/14

i though he'd moved on??

Hi Everyone,

Last night my ex of just over a year phoned me to say he needs to know where he stands with me..... Of course i was thinking HUH? where does this come from??

Anyway, he said that his girlfriend has noticied that he is up one day, down another, and feels that he is longing for me..... she asked him to sort things out with me, if thats what i want, she will step down and move out, so that he and i can get back together....

he said he needs to know where he stands with me and if i want to get back together or not... if not, he needs to move on....

C'mon, it was over when we got divorced, I have moved on. We have a really good relationship, now that we are not together, but I am in love with and engaged to another man.... I have moved on already.

I dont want to be nasty and say I how feel in a way that sounds cold harted, but I dont love him that way anymore. How do i go about telling him, without rippin him to shreds?

Bear in mind, he had an affair with this woman for 2yrs before we got divorced. I told him the grass wasnt greener on the other side... My fiance is feeling hurt, which is quite understandable, but now i feel that i have to prove to my fiance that i do want to be with him...


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, if it were less complicated it would be much more boring.
You express your entirely reasonable and justifiable viewpoint exceelently --- just tell him that, in similar words, and don't let him prsuade you to mess up your happiness to try to solve his problem in sustaining relationships --- that task shopuld be left to his therapist. ou owe him nothing.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ... | 2005/12/14

sounds like this g/f is getting her dues.... and her insecurity is also showing.... you steal another woman's man... and chances are that man is never really yours anyhow...............

Reply to ...
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/12/14

I think that his g/f has had enough of him and is offering him a way out of the relationship. A pity she did not do that a couple of years ago when she started an affair with your husband.

You don't owe him nothing. He has made his bed and must lie in it. Just tell him that he stands nowhere with you and that he should move on as you did.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/14

As long as he feels there is a chance, he will never let go of you. He certainly has not let go, and probably believes that despite the fact that you are engaged, your heart still truly belongs to him, not the new man in your life.

You need to set the record straight! Tell him you love him as a friend, that what you had in the past was great, but its past, it no longer exists. You lovehim, but you are in love with your new man.

My ex and I still love eahcother,and niether of us have found new love yet, so we keep maintained twisted contact with eachother. But the time will come where either of us falls in love again, and the other will have no choice but to move on. It will hurt, but that is life. Your ex needs to know that you have found new love, and its real, and therefore there is no future for you two anymore, no matter what you may have had between you in thepast, no matter how great the love tec was.

His new girlfriend is actually quite smart and aware of the fact that your ex has not moved on, has not let go of you. She feels she is being used, not in bad way, but as a crutch while he sorts his feelings for you out. he is stil on rebound, and his relationship with this woman is likely to be a transient thing due to his confused state of mind and heart.

So help him along, whether it hurts him or not. He needs ot know exactly how you feel, about him, and about your new man. And dont mince your words, be brutally honest and direct, which does not have to be nasty. Dotn say it with malice, just say it the way it is, and he needs to hear it.

Good luck.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: sideways | 2005/12/14

"It never goes away, it never goes away....! You've become a part of me. I've l;et myself become you."

Reply to sideways

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