Posted by: Zen | 2008/06/30

I think I hate my husband


I think I hate my husband. After almost 3 years of marriage, most of the time it feels as if I don’t love him anymore. He’s put me through hell the last couple years. First I had to pay for our wedding myself, as I became unemployed just as all our deposits were paid. Since then he’s had numerous jobs. His employers are always vague on why they let him go, from “things just didn’t work out”, “we appointed too many people”, “we are not renewing your contract”, etc etc. He is very verbal and if he feels that he has been wronged, he won’t think twice in telling even an CEO to go fly a kite. I believe that his mouth is reason why he doesn’t last in jobs. People don’t like him, his own family tolerates him and we don’t have friends because most people don’t like him as he is very argumentative. Throughout our relationship we have been for counselling numerous times. He even went for “anger management” earlier this year, but I can’t see a change. Why I think I hate him? For the biggest part of our marriage I have had to support him financially. Because of him being unemployed for long periods of time, I incurred big debts. My salary is not that big and I pay for the rent, food, electricity, medical aid and all expenses regarding our baby. He only pays the child’s creche fees. For the past year he’s had a job, but earns a minimal basic salary, the rest is commission. Last week, after having a row with his employer (also his best friend) he resigned without telling me first. When I asked him what about our child’s creche fees, he just said that he will look after her. Which sounds like he is not planning to find another job.

Each time that we go through “drama” in our relationship, I feel less and less for him. I feel as if he is feeding off me and used to me just always taking care of him and everything. In December last year I caught him out on MXIT. He had been chatting on it since the birth of our baby in July 2007. If I hadn’t catched him, he would probably still be on it. We went for counselling again after the whole MXIT story, but when we had to go as a couple, he stopped the appointments.

When I look at him, I hate him for what he has done to me: the amount of debt I had to incur, the fact that I don’t have money to save, the fact that I have to struggle each month making ends meet, the fact that I was humiliated after his MXIT-story. I want to study further, but I can’t afford it. He pays his airtime bill, buys his cigarettes and he’s happy. He doesn’t spare a single thought for me or how I am coping. Fact is: I am not coping.

Am I a bad person because I am contemplating divorce? My resentment towards him is growing and yes, some days I really do feel that I hate him.

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Our expert says:
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Of course you're not a bad person. If counselling hasn't worked and/or if he can't be bothered to try to make it work, what benefit is there to remaining married to him ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: GG | 2008/07/07

its really up to u to decide if you wanna leave or stay in the relationship. sometimes some people are destined to loose and some people choose to ignore those signs from the beginning and sometimes it doesnt help moving out if you are still hooked to the suggestion is get over the guy and be clear/true with your feelings because if you dont, you will end up be emotional damaged and im sure you dont want that.

Reply to GG
Posted by: Zen | 2008/07/01

Thanks all. I decided last night that our marriage has come to an end. He got verbally abusive, but I refused to respond. I have moved to the spare bedroom.

Today I started to make arrangements to move to a smaller place that I can afford. My parents are helping me out until I am on my feet again. I have also applied for a position back in Cape Town (live in Pretoria now).

Hopefully my life will be back on track soon.

Reply to Zen
Posted by: zaza | 2008/07/01

hey girl get out a.s.a.p.this man doesnt deserve you and your spare yoself some pain and get out

Reply to zaza
Posted by: Anon | 2008/07/01

PRAY.. Pray for yourself so that God may give u strength to make da right decision,pray for him so dat God may change his heart and pray for your marriage so that Lord may intervene.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2008/06/30

Zen, I agree with the other posters, get out sooner rather than later. I'm just wondering though, why did you marry this guy in the first place?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/30

girl i was in ur shoes it doesnt get any better and dnt feel bad for wanting to divorce him he deserves he doesnt consider u why should u consider him leave the useless bastard

Reply to anon
Posted by: anon | 2008/06/30

screw him...he does not seem toc are of you and his child so why worry of him. Marriage works both ways. He does not seem like a responsible men and u need not have to tolerate allt he crap you have been gogin through and still going through. iIts time u do wat is best for u and your child, and leave the idiot to make a fool of himself everywhere.
all the best.

Reply to anon
Posted by: **** | 2008/06/30

I really think that if councelling has not worked and you are 100% sure that you want to do this, LEAVE HIM!

Reply to ****
Posted by: Sen | 2008/06/30


If I was in your shoes I'd have left a long time ago.
Don't throw anymore "good" money after "bad" money.
Leave him now while your baby is still small.

Reply to Sen

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