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Question
Posted by: Edna | 2004/01/08

I think I can..

As a young girl growing up in a healthy environment surrounded by loving family, my dreams have always been to duplicate the recipe. Now I am 32 and have been exposed to the harsh realities of living life and of witnessing/experiencing betrayal, distrust and basically have just reached a point where I would like to make a decision. I want to be a mother. Although my earnings are not whopping, I have a sound and reliable job. I have a boyfriend whose company I enjoy, but I dont know whether (and I mean it not to be nasty) he would be a good father in terms of affection. He has a 12yr old son who stays (and has always stayed) with his parents in a town which is an hour away from him. He almost never talks about his son and hardly communicates with him either.
Hence my statement earlier.
Anyhow, I feel that I can do this on my own. I know that having both parents around for a child is good, but in todays world who knows what you land up with. I think myself, my friends and my family can provide a child with all this and more. I am tired waiting for mr Right and feel that I would be far happier fulfilling my need to be a mother.
How would I break this news best to my folks and family?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Edna,
I'm no sure that we can answe your question as you ask it --- we don't know your family, their expectations, and how you normally communicate with them. But isn't this an issue, or a nest of issues, which you need to DISCUSS with them, rather than a single decision to TELL them about ? Wouldn't such a discussion be more useful, in helping you all to understand each other better ? As your family seem to have managed things so well when you were younger, maybe they can ofer some really good advice and support, based on their experiences ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Angel | 2004/01/08

Hi...I'm a single mom of a gorgeous son and an astounding daughter. I think it's best if you just come out and tell your family straight, because you'll find that they're the greatest source of support for you. Good luck and let us know what your decision is.

Reply to Angel
Posted by: Duckie | 2004/01/08

Just tell them, it's your life, and at the end of the day we are all responsible for ourselves during our time on earth. Although we may be surrounded by loving friends and family, we are basically alone and have to make our own decisions. Waiting for others to make them for us is cowardly.

Reply to Duckie
Posted by: J | 2004/01/08

I think that the way you have expressed your thoughts to this forum is perfect. You come across as sound and level headed and also in a way which indicates that you have started thinking the matter through in a "logical" way.

My only advise at this point would be to speak to other single parents. I know it sounds achievable but speaking from experience its not always easy. It would be fantastic to have the support of your family and friends. It does sometimes get lonely and a little scary (thinking that you are solely responsible for that little life). Also consider that the father might want to be involved and the ramifications of this. He might not have been involved in his previous childs life (assuming you want a child by your current boyfriend) but things may change if you were to have a child. Remember that he will always be a part of the childs life and you will have to share the child, should he take an interest - you have no choice in this matter - also - do not take at face value any promises he might make about not being involved....people change their minds. Also consider his families reaction to a child - would they want to be involved etc.

I'm sure that whatever choice you make will be an informed, and not purely emotional, one. Having a child is a huge responsibility but such a great joy and single parenthood - wether chosen or not - is hard - but worth it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Reply to J

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