Posted by: Bubbles | 2007/03/01

I think he's had enough!

For the past two days he's been giving me the silent treatment.
In December we planned to have sex but because of my fear on pain it didnt quiet work out the way it should off. Since December our relationship has gone downhill. Its starts with him giving me the silent treatment and ends with me making promises to do it but never following through. I know that i want to because i love him and we've been together for a really long time. And a man has needs too. I'm just getting used to the idea of pain and now from yesterday morning he's been giving me the silent treatment again.
I just dont know what to do. I dont want to lose him and I know he loves me because he's stuck by me through thick and thin.
Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The "silent treatment" is manipulative and a refusal to engage with any chance of sorting out whatever problems are present. But I'm worried by your references to the issue of sex and your fear of pain in association with this --- this is where a good local shrink could he,p a lot, whether there is vaginismus or other psychologically based physical discomfort, and fear or and expectation of discomfort. He shouldn't be making you feel bad about this, but one can understand he could find your equivocating on this to be frustrating, especially if he has been made to feel unable to help ; and at least he has apparently stuck around. SO, once the primary fear you have has been dealt with ( which, with CBT methods ought not to take long ) mayeb a few sessions of couples counselling would also help to smooth out whatever wrinkles have arisen

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Our users say:
Posted by: RMC | 2007/03/01

If he loves you he wont make yo feel bad about this.

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/03/01

Sex is not everything, and if he gives you the silent treatment because of that, then he's not worth it! But if he gives you the silent treatment because of you not keeping your promises, then I can understand why!

Why are you afraid of pain? Do you think it's painful to have sex? Just relax and enjoy it if you really want to! You need to relax and not think about the pain, then you'll enjoy it! There's nothing to be afraid of!

Reply to Echelle

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