Posted by: Angry | 2009/08/27

I think he should pay!

Until today I still think about all the shit he put me through, he emotionally abused me for all the time we were together.
He lied and mislead me.
The major part is that we were not even together! He was ' married'  or with someone else, they were together for 5 years at the time I met him.When we met I was involved and so was he.
We eventually decided to get together after being friends for -2yrs and broke up with our partners although I never knew that he was still with his gf.
In the 2 years that we were together he also moved in with her and got engaged which I only found out about in the end.
I was stupid yes I admit, very stupid but when I look back at it now I don' t think it was me at all.
All the stories, lies everything just made sense.He could so smoothly lie his way out of anything.
I had previously been busy with his cell and found sms' s on his cell from his ' ex'  and he would tell me she' s crazy, she wants him back, tried to commit suicide a couple of times.There' s so many things that he put me through that I cannot believe it when I think back on it today.

He used to try to control me, wanted me to move out of my parents house to be with him.
He is the cause of me and my parents not being as close as we used to be.
The cause of certain people hating me even though they never ever spoken to me.
People gossiping about me.
In the end he made me out to be this crazy chick running after him and trying to break up his ' perfect'  relationship.
I was this insane person with no morals and values which is not what I am!
Its like I was set up and then he moved on and I was stuck with all this dirt on me.
Everything points to me being the bad one like one big plot!
Like I was framed and no one even bothered to ask my side of the story.
I did I admit do certain thing I should not have and which was stupid of me to fall in his trap and incriminate myself and that' s just what he wanted.

He wanted me to listen to him and be this submissive puppet and do everything he said and have no one but him in my life and then he would trust me completely to leave his gf whatever she was.
He was insecure with me because I was beautiful and for that he made me feel small every single day of my life that I was with him.
He broke my spirit, my trust for anyone, my belief in people, in honesty, in life itself.
When he left I tried to put my life together and somehow got it but I still think back to all that and wonder how I got myself into it all,WHY!

Everything was great and then I met him.He took everything from me and I was left with nothing.
He was nothing great at all but we had a connection that I' ve never had before and that' s what attracted me to him.
He was what I thought my Mr.Right until I discovered all the lies and deceit and then even after that he caught me in his web of deceit.
Why?I had already lost most everything in my life for him.
He then decided I wasn' t the best choice since I was not willing to give up my family for him and he would not feel safe with me knowing I could get any guy I wanted and could easily move on with someone else.So it was a choice between me and her.
He proposed to me with all these conditions and I refused and then my life became a living hell.

I am with someone new now and happy with him but I still think back and cannot forget what he done to me.
He broke my virginity and then called me a slut after it all accusing me of sleeping with people I hardly new&  with his friends.
I tried to speak to a psychologist but whenever I get there all I done was cry so I just stopped going.

Its eating at me! I don' t feel beautiful anymore and when I look in the mirror I don' t see it.
I' ve picked up about 10kg since and have no zest for life, I hate the fact that someone has done this to me.
I totally hate it!To date I am still enormously angry with him and even wish he dropped dead!
I hate having these feeling for another person but cant help it.
What has brought all this up after all this time... about a month ago he contacted me again mocking me for not listening to him and telling me how perfect his life is now , he also has a 2 month old baby.Which means she was preg.when he proposed to me.
I never responded to him but its just like the cherry on top.
My hate for what he has done has no limit.
Can I possibly sue this guy for all the things that he has done to me?
At this point I still feel that he should pay for everything he done to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

WOw, so many very very long messages today, and indeed this busy week !

OK, you were naive and fell for a line from an experienced cheat and liar. Rather than wasting your energy on fury, learn what you need to learn and move on, better able to avoid being taken for a ride in that way again.

Face the central facts. You are enormously better off with him out of your life. He doesn't care, he didn't care, and he will not care. BUT, so long as you allow yourself to be angry or weepy about what he did, they more you are enabling him to continue doing it to you --- he has probably moved on with his grubby little life, but each time you become angry about it, in a way you have invited him back into your life and enabled him to do it again. Reject him, and discard those memories of him whenever they arise.

It wouldneed a consultation with a lawyer, but I strongly doubt that you could successfully sue him for the bad stuff he did to you --- and trying to do so would give him fresh opportunities to hurt you again, so I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea, however tempting it may seem.

Individual counselling is the way to go.

Leave him and ignore him. Such a grubby guy will inevitably turn his own life into misery without your needing to soil your hands by trying to help him to do so

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009/08/28

My best advice to you, move on with your life, a pity you started a new realtionship and havent dealt with this baggage first. I went through something similar, I was single and celibate for 5 years after a tumultous 7 year relationship, it was the best thing I ever did, found myself again, the party animal that I was , my friends played a huge role the ones I almost lost because of my relationship, rediscovered family life and really like who I was and life.

They hate it when you happy, they hate it when you move on with your life, they hate it when they cant have that hold over you anymore so you are their doormat, I might have picked up huge amounts of weight (gave birth last year)but I am so much happier where I am today than the emotional wreck I was before, my 5 years made my future choices easier, just remember the wheel turns, he will get his own back, mine ended up stalking me abit and he broke up with me.

I always say Leave it in Gods hands.

Be patient especially with yourself.

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