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Question
Posted by: Jackie | 2005/07/28

I s he using me financially ?

I met a nice man,different culture but we click well and honestly I know he is sincere,we`re together 6 months,but what worries me is that he always asks me for money,regularly. He is new in S.A (2 YRS) so he work on his own to establish his bussiness again.He promises me that as soon as his business is going well,as he gets in money,he will share everything with me in turn.I have tested him and it seems he is true,but I have been used before and is confused at the moment,as I am not prepared to help him,and get hurt and used again...................

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Our expert says:
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Has he put in writing, a binding promise to return all the borrowed money ? That is what an honest businessman would do. if not, I'd suspect that he is indeed using you. Useful comments from other readers. It seems a bit unusual for a devout muslim to borrow money from someone from another faith.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jackie | 2005/08/01

I have spoken to him this weekend-he says the older brother buys them only what they need,and leave them no pocket money,as soon as he is on his feet financially he will pay me back ( he hasn`t borrowed that much yet) , the brother will also only allow him to visit me (eg only a Friday evening,the next morning he must be back home !) jees this is being worse than being 15 ! I just feel I have been in such a situation many years ago,and will not go through it again.In my heart I want to believe he is not using me,as in al the other senses he is true to me.Yes we have a sexual relationship recently only.Why is this so confusing ? When I do not give him money it`s fine,he still treats me with respect and understanding ????

Reply to Jackie
Posted by: Star | 2005/07/29

Think long and hard about this. Have you slept together? Like !!!!!!! said, their marraiges get arranged and the woman become the slave to the man. Looking at the whole big picture, it is highly, not impossible, but highly unlikely that this picture is going to have a happy ending, and I am thinking he is using you. What business is he starting, there should be some cash flow?

Reply to Star
Posted by: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | 2005/07/28

Sorry to say this so harshly but the truth is the truth and let me just warn you in advance that muslims are for muslims only so yip i do think he is going to use you and then dump u when the arranged marriage comes around ....the muslims like keeping the money to themselves and its a religious thing that they must marry there own kind and no other unless they make the other convert to muslim and follow there faith ....converting meaning name and rekligion and launguage and the works
hell no its not worth it

Reply to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Jackie | 2005/07/28

Thanks you guys,I had both answers,because I haven`t given for a few weeks and keep making excuses,I even told him he is making me nervous and I cannot help,then he appologises and is sincere in it.
But I will keep on denying for a while,as in my heart I believe he is not using me,as he stays with older brother and due to his cultural background,has to ask from the brother,so he is given food,drink,ciggs,and no cash in his pocket,he says he want to buy more stock to get his bussiness faster,but the brother buys the necessary stock only................does this make more sense ? ( he is muslim )

Reply to Jackie
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/07/28

hi there

only you will know - but i think if you feel used, you probably are being used

how about telling him how he makes you feel and see how he responds.... if he acts uneasy or looks uncomfortable he probably is using you

if he isn't using you, he will apolizise and never place you in that situation again. only time will tell

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Elsie | 2005/07/28

I think he is using you. To find out that he is not, try not to give him money and make excuses that you do not have, or will be using the money. If he sticks around for a while without you giving him the money, then he is genuine. If he avoids you, then he is with you for the money. Make sure the test lasts for a while, like a month or so.

Reply to Elsie

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