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Question
Posted by: Thembi | 2004/11/24

i really hate myself

hallo Doc, in mylife i have been known to be lier and skimmer, i used to planned lies in my life, whenever i do something that is wrong i would change the whole statement and make it right,

i have made people believe me for what i did, if i was wrong i would convice people that i'm right and they beleived in me. i made many excuses about not attending meetings at work or in community meeeting and i would give valid reasons and people tend to beleive in everything.

so when i got married my hubby did not know that i'm a lier i would do things and he believed me, one day i told another company to deduct money form his accounts when he asked me i sweared and saaid i know nothing about that, i told him maybe thta company made a mistake. i mean that i lied about many things that i can't mentione here, soi onec told my hubby to forgive me and of ccause he forgave me, so today i told him about something he does not beileve me for a moment, hesays i used to lie and how can this be serious and i swear this is very important, how do i make him see that i've changed i'm new person. i tell him the truth.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So, you are a skillful liar, and have realized that this is not a good idea. And it sounds as if on some ways, like about the money, you have ben seriously dishonest towards your husband.
And you have discovered the central and main problem about lying --- that eventually people don't know when you're telling them the truth, and you can't convince them when you are telling the truth. You need to EARN back his trust, by being reliably trustworthy, and letting him find it is safe now to trust you. See a counsello for help, too, which should also please him. You lied so much, he won't believe you are changed in this respect just because you say so --- he can come to believe it if you ARE changed and live as a changed, and honest person, and let him experience that over months and years.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Thembi Thembi sisi.... | 2004/11/24

You used to lie - i like the fact that you are putting it in your past - but i do agree that you have to work extremely hard to convince your husband of your new-found ways of truth. Maybe another way of proving your seriousness is to seek counselling together where you would be forced to open up on why you are telling all these lies. Lying is like a disease and you need to get treatment for it! To solve this problem of yours temporarily - just find someone who knows about what you're trying to tell him to testify truth for you!

Reply to Thembi Thembi sisi....
Posted by: Kasandra | 2004/11/24

Thembi

You hate yourself cause you feel guilty but remember as long as we live in the past and let that guilt vend then it starts to destory all our good process.

You have made the choice to change and you are working at it - actions speak louder then words so just keep on being honest and open and willing to change not just with your hubby but with yourself aswell.

The hardest thing is to be dead honest all the time... but that way you have no uneasy back fires.

Take it just for today and tell yourself Just for now I am going to be honest - dont take it as a judgement if your hubby dont believe you - remember his been burned and its going to be hard for him to trust you but as you trust yourself and believe in yourself he will see it aswell.

Good luck.....

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Miss Wannabe | 2004/11/24

Ok, If I were you, then I would stop hating myself, stop having regrets and focus on changing my behaviour - of course, people are now going to have to "see it, to believe it".
So focus on way you can prove yourself.

PS, it won't be easy, but it will be the most worthwhile thing you can do at this stage.

Good luck.

Reply to Miss Wannabe
Posted by: Tiny | 2004/11/24

Thats a difficult one. U have to work very hard on this one, I would probably react like him.

I think you should give him an "EVIDENCE" to prove that you are serious and that thing is important. You have to do this for a long time until u gaine dback his trust. UNFORTUNATELY, i CANT SEE ANOTHER WAY

Reply to Tiny

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