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Question
Posted by: Smaarties | 2005/12/12

I need your fair your advice urgently!

Im in a six month relationship with a guy whose supposed to be my fiance'. I have 2 daughters from my previous relationship. The guy took his parents to meet my parents and apparently he never told them about my 2 daughters. And I asked him why? He told me that he was waiting for the right time. We were supposed to visit his parents my with my babe daughter and now he's telling me that he doesnt think its a gud thing we visit the parents with her because they nothing about them. And I ask how long are you gonna keep this from they cause they need to know the exact me. He's asking me to go and drop my daughter at my mom's and come along with him to his mom's birthday. I told him that I wont do that, his parents need to know that I have 2 kids. I wont keep on pretending to be something that Im not. Its either they accept me with my kids or they dont. He said he will tell the parents after his mom's birthday which is Saturday. And still I refused I told him they deserve to know even before I show my face in their house. Do you think Im being unreasonable here esp for someone who thinks that Im his perfect wife?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely you're right to want to be open and honest with his parents, and you need to wodner why he doesn't want that. You're being reasonable. he is treating the existence of your children, a vitally important part of you, as if it were a dirty secret that would "spoil" his mother's birthday ? You can tell him that if he plans to tell his mom after her birthday, you'll wait until then to meet them

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Smaarties | 2005/12/12

I guess you rite, thank you sooo much.

Reply to Smaarties
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

He still has not explained why, has not explained why it will spoil his moms birthday. What is this man afraid of, why will it spoil the birthday, and why has he not told her sooner. Something is wrong here, something is missing, he is not telling you something.

He probably knows his mom will disapprove, but he has not explained to you why, and this you NEED to know, because you plan to have a future with him and his family, so its you right to know the ful stroy, not just lame excuses.

If he cannot tell you, then I suggest you do NOT go to the birthday at all. Your children are far more important than his moms birthday!

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Smaarties | 2005/12/12

You dont understand, I did ask him why and you know what he says, he doesnt want to spoil him mom's birthday he will tell them after the birthday. So in the meantime I must play a miss goody goody and his mom will be happy to see me. But what she will see is not the real me, its something else.

Reply to Smaarties
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

I am surprised that you have notdiscussed this with him to get an understanding of why he is so scared of sharing your kids with his folks.

Why dont you understand, why have you not asked him and spoken to him about it instead of just demanding he expose the truth?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Smaarties | 2005/12/12

But to me the way he relates to them he pretends as if he has accepted them. But what I dont understand is the hold back with the parents. I had a very gud mind of telling his mom the exact reason why I wont come to her party but Im not sure if I wont be making things worse between us.

Reply to Smaarties
Posted by: del pierro | 2005/12/12

he must accept those kids.my recent marriage now,i met my wife when he got kid with her former boyfriend 14years ago.i accepted until i started making mine with her.

Reply to del pierro
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/12

All or Nada!

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/12

When a man has a relationship with a women who has kids, those children are just as much a part of you as your arms and legs, or any other part of your body. He cannot accept you without accepting your children. If he cannot show the true you to his parents, that is a big concern.

You need to ask him exactly why? What is he afraid of? Will his parents reject you because you have children, and if so, why? Will they reject him? Why?

You need to understand what the problem actually is. Only then can you decide what is appropriate to do.

There is something he is very afraid of, do you know what it is?

Reply to figured it out

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