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Question
Posted by: I | 2008/06/03

I need your advice

I had a fight with ma husband last night. believe me, it was a minner thing, but it turned out so bad that i cried a lot. What is frustrating me is, I apologised to him coz I sad somethings because I was really desperate for his attention.
I find it so difficult to express maself, i express ma feelings by crying, I cry a lot, or keep quite if something's bothering me. I do this because I find it so hard to talk to him, we always end up arguing, and at the end of an argument I am always the one who gets hurt, coz he always makes me feel so bad, he always say I am the one who is wrong. He never admitts when he is wrong, He never say sorry, I always apologises even if I did not do anything because at the end he won't talk to me, he will talk to his daughter(who is my step-daughter).
Its like he is trying by all means to make me feel bad. He thinks i over react, He thinks I am nagging. When I apologise to him he always makes me beg him, he jusy ignores me, read his book or paper. When i talk to him, he just ignores me, say nothing.....I always apologise to him when I am wrong.
I konw, I don't have any excuse, but I don'd understand why is it so difficult for him to apologise or forgive me.
I know, I am not an angel, I do make mistakes, and I always apologise to him for ma mistakes.
Another thing, he cheatet on me, although I was so hurt, I forgave him, i didn't even hesitate to do so. But when it come to him, I have to cry and cry and beg for forgiveness. Last night he just went to sleep and left me crying.
This morning he didn't talk to me, he talked to his daughter and a helper.
I am sorry, I may not make any sense, but i really don't know what to do. Its hurting, the way he treats me, please help me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Isn't it sad how often such arguments / fights arise from your saying something indirect rather than simp,y saying calmly what you actually mean ? Instead of saying that you feel lonely, say, and wish he could pay you a bit more attention, you may say something more annoying or cross hoping that it will draw mhis attention -- and then it gets the wrong sort of attention. Also, you seem to be saying that when you find it hard to express yourself in words, you weep --- and men find that exasperating and hard to handle --- they can't translate "weep" into something they can do something helpful about.
Sounds like he has learned how to control you, by silences, etc. MArriage counselling could help a lot if he could be convinced it would be useful for him, rather than something only for you. Personal counselling for you could help you to be more confidence, assertive and expressive.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: I | 2008/06/03

thankx for the advice LOL, much appreciated. wish I could just do that, but the truth is: I am crazee about the guy.

Reply to I
Posted by: LOL | 2008/06/03

if it were me, id leave him, bt thats me. if u want it 2 work, c a marriage councel. if he dusnt want 2 go, i suggest u leave him. a lot of guys out there like 2 lay the blame at the wife or gfrnds door. hve lived it, n its not easy. mayb u shud also just 4 ur own sanity, chat 2 a proffesional

Reply to LOL

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