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Posted by: Roy | 2004/09/23

I need revenge

Yesterday I wrote about forgiveness and trust and last night I became very cross and felt that if I took revenge on the people who messed up my life I would feel better. Firstly I must say that we all make mistakes but what has been done to my life by these people is going to haunt my thoughts for a long time. I really feel I should take revenge and mess up their lives as well. I gathered a lot of information over the last few months and maybe I would feel better if I expose them to everyone that knows them for everybody was told what a bad person I am, called names and for messing around with my wife.

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Our expert says:
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Roy, I understand your felings, having at times dreamd of revenge on some of the people who have been enormously cruel to me or others during my life. But as BT says, generally, if we're patient enough, uch rotten people come to their very own sticky end, all the sweeter because it was engineered and caused entirely by their own rotten choices and behaviours, and that it didn't need any intervention from us.
The other thing I have learned over the years, is that revenge is never as seet in reality as it seems likely to be when imagined, and that it never ends the bad feelings we are struggling with. You are a far, far better person than anyone who deliberately harmed you ; don't sink to their level of operating.

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Our users say:
Posted by: 5550429 | 2004/09/23

Revenge doesn'tmake you feel better,because it cant erase the pain you are going through. Seeing them hurt will be temporary but after that you go back to your pain. Can I tell you something?! Forinstance if someone kills a loved on of yours and you are angey and in pain and want revenge. soyou goout an kill that person. Does that make your pain any less? No ! Because doing something likethat doesn't bring the dead person back- it doesn'tmake the pain of losing someone close to you any less. Instead the situation is worse.

That was just an example. Revenge seems like a goood idea when you are in pain and are frustrated but really all it does is prolong the process of you getting over the terrible situation you went through. The pain doesn't go away.

Find other ways of dealing with your anger, true forgiveness works but it has to be hearfelt and you have to be honest.

Revenge doesn't help!! Ican promise you that.

Reply to 5550429
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/09/23

Now is the time to show your mettle and the strength of your character. Don't sink to the level of these other people.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: praat uit ondervinding | 2004/09/23

Ek weet presies hoe jy voel, ek het ook wraak gedagtes gehad teenoor my eks-man & die 'ander vrou' tot selfs 'n jaar na my egskeiding!
Dit voel dalk nie nou so nie, maar met tyd word die kwaad/woede/bitterheid & gevoelens van wraak ("revenge") minder.. En moenie tot daardie vlak daal om jou nog te bemoei met hulle nie, hoe meer jy krap aan ou wonde hoe seerder word dit.
Gaan praat met 'n sielkundige oor jou gevoelens - dis ook 'n manier om van aggressie/woede binne-in jou ontslae te raak (onthou, jy is geregtig om so te voel!).

Die wiel draai - jy sal verbaas wees hoe die waarheid gaan uit kom en hoe skeef dinge sal uitdraai vir die ander persoon... ek was!

Reply to praat uit ondervinding
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/09/23

revenge is best surved up cold --- klingon

carefull revenge is a double edged sword, as in the chinese proverb, "before setting out on a journey of revenge, dig two graves"

no it is not worth it.

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: Roy | 2004/09/23

I already feel better just reading the feedback you gave. I do get the down days but thanks to you all I'll make it for today. Thanks again

Reply to Roy
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/09/23

Hi Roy
You do not want revenge - you want them to hurt as much as they've hurt you. it's natural.

I know how you feel. You're angry and still very raw from the hurt. You are not over this yet.
Take two steps back and breathe.

Remember your need for revenge is driven by anger not because you intentionally want to hurt others. Think about this clearly. Do you honestly want to stoop to their level? What joy would that bring you? A persons worst enemy is their conscience.... never forget that.

I think you are better than that - and that is the best revenge. Knowing you are better.

Kill with kindness not evil.

Good luck my friend.
Take care.
Juz.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/09/23

Iewerste in die bybel staan ook :

AAN MY KOM DIE WRAAK NIE TOE NIE.....

tata

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/09/23

Aaaai Roy ek weet hoe jy voel maar op die einde van die dag byt net jy die spit af - jy sal die vark in die verhaal wees.....

Soos BT sê - hul sal wel hulle beur kry.... dit vat net soms blerrie lank !!!


Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Me | 2004/09/23

Dont do it! I had a bf once whom, after I left him tried to take it out on me. He called my work, threatend me and my family, called up all my friends and told them very private and personal things. He really went all out on the revenge thing, and in the end, he was the biggest fool and only made himself look worse.

Take a step back and leave it at that. No matter whats been done to you, taking revenge will make you seem even worse in their eyes.

Good Luck!

Reply to Me
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/09/23

Hi Roy,
Know you probably don't want to hear this, but know that what goes around come around, they will get their due, you don't need to belittle yourself to their level, you are better than that. I know you are angry and hurt and you have all the right to be but don't be rash. Keep the information for yourself until you need it one day, but don't destroy yourself because of others because ultiimately that will be the end result. Revenge never pays, ask me I know, have tried and only hurt myself more, people that have done things to hurt you have a way of turning things around, so just be cautious and wait, you will see the wheel turn.
Take Care Roy and be strong and wise for you, you know you can be and probably are usually, just hurting so much you want to strike out. Give it time........

Reply to Beyond Tired

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