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Question
Posted by: Mike | 2007/12/20

I need only the CS's reply on this pls

Mr.CyberShrink, i am broken, i dont know what to do anymore. I will try and "shrink" the history to not write a novel.

I am married now for 2months to the lady i love with all of my heart. (rewind) Beginning of 2007 she start at a new job (her 1st job after she got her degree) She really enjoy her work, and i was so happy to see her happy, good salary, look like nice people she work with ,all just perfect...
It is a small office with only her, her boss and a lady.

about 2months before our marraige she called me (we didnt stay together) and she cried, i didnt know whats wrong, she broke the news, she had a thing with her boss at work for about 4days.

I was broken and so sad , but long story short.. We sat together and said its o.k, we can work through this, but she need to look for other job asap, and the rule is, they may not be alone together whatsoever .

She went back to work and we got married, everything lovely, perfect honeymoon all just perfect. Now back to work and i became this paranoid monster, a person i never was and still dont want to be, i check her up , i call her every now and then, i look at the stuff she wear to work .. in a nutshell... i became a person i really dont want to be!

This morning, i called her, i asked her if she's at work, she said yes... i asked "And, are you still alone or are the other 2 there yet?) She said no, she's still all by herself ..next second i hear someone sneeze in the background , i asked her??? She said its the lady cleaning the office.....

I had a weird bad feeling, got in my car drove to her office (the guy she work with by the way is her boss) and there i see his car.. I called her (she thought i was still at my office) i asked her, and...are you still alone? She said YES. I dropped the phone, walked up, and confronted her, she cried she promised me he JUST got there.

Long story short, it was tears (both of us) and a very long and sad chat.. i said to her, i dont want to be this person, but i cant close that book if she dont get other job... I feel i can kill this guy, he is married and 15years her senior.. I told him to just shut up, and i would like to tell his wife about it! I looked at his desk, and there is pics of his 2 small children... i told him the only reason i'm not going to tell her, is because i dont want to break his wife's heart or his children's...

The thing is, my wife is not willing to quit her job, she promise me the past was a VERY big mistake and she chose me...

I feel, if she planned to continue with this "afair" she would not have told me in the first place.
2nd, i feel that she really love me, and i KNOW she feel very sorry for her mistake in the past.
I told her i will try my best again to be strong and not so paranoid... I dont know anymore how to be strong... i love her with all of my heart and more.. i'm so scared, i dont know what to do...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

DO see a marriage counsellor together, perhaps one recommended by FAMSA, and work on this TOGETHER< but with expert advise and assistance. If you both want to solve the problems you share, this is by far the best way to work it out. Don't try to do it all on your own.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Rvm | 2007/12/22

I know you only wanted CS, but just wanted to say good luck. I know the feeling of loving someone so much,that you don't want to believe that they will lie,and hurt you. Best of luck!

Reply to Rvm
Posted by: Adam | 2007/12/21

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour!

You must be blind as a bat to believe her, she is lying to you and playing you and because you love her you give her the benefit of the doubt.

How can she still work in the same enviroment and office where she had an affair with the boss. If she still wasn't involved it would be like hell working there. Surely it would she who would want to leave and have a clean slate if it were true.

You are going to have years of living hell, if you continue this way.

She needs to come clean and only then can you decide whether to continue in this marriage or not. Think about it, it wasn't really a marriage to begin with, what foundation was this marriage built on? Lies, Deceit, betrayal, hurt, nothing positive!

Reply to Adam
Posted by: No | 2007/12/21

I was in a similar situatian. And I was an idiot to belive the lies. How can two people sleep together, and just stop it and continue as if they were just friends? I learned the hard way, they just get better at lying and making you feel guilty. I caught the x again, and thats why it is the x now. Happily married to a woman with morals now. She did it with him once, and will more then liely do it again. If she reall y loves YOU, then she should leave this job immediately. And tell the bastrads wife. You don't have to worry about his kids, that was and still is his job. So why do you want to pay for his mistakes alone? The reason for affairs is because one gets away with it. If he learns a lesson then maybe he will respect other people in future.

Reply to No

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