Posted by: Tate | 2003/02/20

I need help

I am in a relationship with a guy who is 10 years younger than me. We have a three year old daughter and recently I discovered he was cheating on me. He told me this was a mistake and he was committed to me and our baby. For a while I thought it was really over with this other person but I recently discovered he had been seeing her again. I then asked him to choose between the two of us as I just couldn't bring myself to break off things with him as I love him so much. He managed to tell this other woman he would rather be with me and that he loves me. I have just discovered I am going to have another baby. I feel something is wrong with our relationship and my mind tells me I should just end it. My heart refuses and I am hurting so much. I am also not sure I want this new baby with all that is going on. I am hurting so much and I just do not know what to do.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Tate,
It's easy to understand how hurt you must feel. And this is hardly a time in wich you would have chosen to have a new baby with a man about whom you have now had good reason to form doubts. Isn't this really a siuation in which you should enter marriage counselling, together, to explore the extent of the current and potential future problems, and the extent to which these could be solved by joint work on a relationshuip that has gone awry ? If counselling fails to achieve anything, you'll have a better basis on which to decide to end the relationship ; if it works, you could have a sounder basis on which to continue it.

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