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Question
Posted by: M | 2007/07/16

I need crucial advise

I feel a tad bit ashamed, as i've always been a person in control of my situations. But i feel gagged and tied on this one.
I have been in a relationship with a man 10 years older than me, for 1.5 years now. I knew right from start, that he was promiscuous, he had a number of women, but at first i didnt love him, i guess i was just fulfilling a need (whatever that means). We both knew at that time that this was nothing seriious. It however grew into a relationship, and he even started falling in love with me, and i foolishly did him. But i knew..or told myself...that this was not going to last, and i would leave at some point.
We grew closer, and i comfronted him about his other MANY women. I told him that if this was to get serious, he would need to make a decision. And he said he would do away with them and be with me only. But that was only lip service. i peek into his e-mails & sms's occassionally and i know he's still with them. I even comfronted him about it, i have dumped him three times but somehow i foolishly fall for his promises. He even proposed to me, though i dont feel like an engaged woman.
I have prayed to God, but honestly, i feel like something is drawing me to this man. Now, i'm even falling out of love, because of the stress i've been through. But still, even when i pray, i feel like i am being drawn to him. Could it be, that God wants me to be with him, help him change? I'm i losing my mind for thinking this?
I have fallen pregnant now, am four months along. At first he wasnt ready, now he has embraced the thought. I always knew he had a daughter, but through my sneak-peaks, i realised he has another daughter - and a son. Making that THREE children, before you count mine. I dont even know what to think.
Now, am still stuck in this whirlwind of emotions, though am bent over to leave him immediately. Am now worried about diseases, i feel like i have really messed up, i dont know what got into me because i consider myself to be a very responsible woman. I'm now constantly depressed, i find myself wondering where he is all the time, i hate to bring my child into this world without a father but i'm willing to get rid of him by all means.
Only problem is, am lonely and vulnerable, if i leave him now, he will beg back into my life like he always does, and al be right back to square one. I dnt have many friends either.
I am so depressed and hurt; please, please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello M,
Dont feel ashamed --- we all lurch into situations we can't handle, even the most capable of us ( and I'm not one of those !).
Sounds like this guy was a poor choice of partner for any sort of relationship. And you know beyond doubt that his promises are worthless --- and why indeed should he change the habits of a lifetime if he ca have his cake AND eat it ? Ignore his begging. If he is even slightly serious about becoming more honest, at least get him to join you in marriage / relationship counselling.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: M | 2007/07/16

Thanks Cole, FIO. I appreciate.
Your advise is nothing short of what i already knew, and thats what depresses me the most - i know full well what i ought to do, but i...its like am gagged!
thanks anyway

Reply to M
Posted by: FIO | 2007/07/16

You have a littrle baby on the way. Whenthis baby pops out, he/she will be everything in your life, and you will love this child so much, unconditionally. And you willdiscover that you dont need or want this man.

Right now you're using all sorts of things to justify pursuing him, like needing a father for your child. Hello! What kind of a father is he to his other children? Do you really want this sort of man in your lfie, in your childs life? NO!

So, you focus on yourself, focus on your coming child, and build your future on that. When my child came along, it changed me so much. I used to be rather promiscuous too, but when my girlfriend fell pregnant and my son was born, I changed. My promiscuity was probably based on my want or need for a child.

But this man seems to continue on his ways depsite already having 3 other kids! Get out girl, you have an amazing life lying ahead of you with this little miracle developing inside you. Fopcus your energy on what you have, not what you dont have. And you're thinking you dont have a father for your child. Bottom line is you dont need this sort of father for your child. You need to protect your child from this sort of man. You and your child are a team now, and all I can say is that when your child arrives, he/she will be all you need. And in time, you willmeet someone who will be right for you and your child.

If this man begs to come back in your lfie, tell him to stay out. If he wants to be in your lfie, be there for the child, not for you. Dont let him con youy by saying he'll be there for the child, and that way stay in control of you. He's a control freak, controlling of people and particularly women. But be careful, he may be all sweet and nice just so he can have claim to his child. Make sure you do not in any way try stop him from being a parent, it could backfire on you. So let him be a parent, and thats all! (if he wants to)

Reply to FIO
Posted by: Cole | 2007/07/16

shame sweetie, hugs. dont worry things will work out... know how u feel... im not going through the best of times at the time... if u need to talk im here

Reply to Cole

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