Posted by: Molly | 2005/06/29

I need advice- should I help out or not???????

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years now and it has been a very blissful 4 years of my life, we moved in together a day after we met and we have been together everyday , experiencing life's goodies and baddies together as a couple.

I have a child with someone else and he also has his own child , he adores my baby and our life is filled with happines most of the time.

He always talks about paying lobola for me, but he is not earning enough money to be able to save but with every cent he earns he helps out in paying the bills all the time and I am earning far more than what he earns, he is a very proud man but lately he feels we need to be married and he is streesing a lot about that

so my question is should I help him with the lobola money or not and why?

My parents asked for R15 000, I don't know why so much

Maybe it's because of the folowing reasons

I have my own house ( bond) fully furnitured ( he helped with buying of the furniture) and a car.

I love him so very much and he loves me too, he makes me so very happy, before he came into my life I had nothing I was still living with my parents and with his guidence and friendship I moved out and that is why I have accomplished so much.

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Our expert says:
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Not quite my special area of expertise, Molly ! but you two sound like a strong and effective and loving couple. If the amount of the lobola seems to you to be too high ( you're in a better position to assess that ) maybe talk it over with your parents, and point out to them how much he has contributed towards your sucesses in life, and his contributions to the house and its furnishings, and see if they'd consider a lower amount. And is it practical to lend him the money, so he can pay it back to you over time, rather than having to find the full some at once, or to become dependent on loan sharks ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: RE | 2005/06/29

I don´t see anything wrong about helping him paying lobola but I am personally aginst it. I think it should be you personal dicision.

What i can suggest is for you to help your man to save money for lobola ... things like you can cover most of the bills and let him save,, it possible but you need to be patient and focused. And talk to your parents explain the situation {u & bf) but do not put your man down you don´t want your parents to call him a failure at the end of it..... good luck

Reply to RE
Posted by: lady lee | 2005/06/29

love is always worth it honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wether you pay, he pays, he take out his own loan whatever...

Make a way and make it easy for him too.


Reply to lady lee

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