Posted by: confused | 2009/03/19

I need a sense of direction

hi CS and everyone else

i' ll appreciate all views as i' m so confused, i' m torn between common sense, responsibilty, loyaly and support.

like for most people, last year was extremely difficult for us financially. we were barely making ends meet and i was borrowing money almost every month from my mom. i still paid my debts but hubby started to not pay his as he should and always saying that he' d do it the following month. nevertheless, he then signed up for this " business"  (it looks very much like a pyramid scheme to me) and although he has reaped some rewards, the cost of signing up was close to R40,000! he then wanted to sign up for another 1 of this sort of thing but this one cost just under R3000.

throughout all of this he quit his job in november and the financial strain is starting to build.

but now he wants me to sign up for this thing too... even suggested i take a loan out to " help"  him! i have about R2500 stashed away in an account he knows nothing about and i have about R2000 available on my bank account. I can " help"  him but I don' t particularly want to yet at the same time I' m torn between " what if it was me"  and the supposed principles of marriage of helping each other out no matter what!

I often have to hear him telling me he' s doing whatever ittakes for as long it takes but to me that' s just scary... for how long do i have to be the responsible one in the family. i want to start saving for our child' s education but at this rate i' m gonna get nowhere! the school i want to enrol her in does credit checks on the parents, i can' t put his name down on theform if i want a chance at getting my lo into this school and he also believes that he can never go back to having a job as this " networking"  thing is the way of the future and the way to get rich!

TRouble is, I' m not interested in being rich or living in a grand house with swimming pool, huge grounds and triple garages! I just wanna live comfortably but to me it seems that " money"  is sooo important to him.

I' m so confused... do i give him the money and we do it as a team? but what about my beliefs? i' d rather invest that money or leave it on my bank than invest in something i don' t quite " believe"  in! do i just give him the money because he' s my hubby and what he uses it for well, it doesn' t matter... what should i do? or how can i weigh up what the right thing is t odo... on the one hand i feel that if roles were reversed he' d do it for me, but i have trouble believing in him because he' s let me down with regards to finances in teh past so i feel i need to depend onme alone and not " indulge"  him... i' m so confused...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

How foolish for him to quit his job at a time like this --- and to rely on dodgy schemes which cannot possibly be a reliable source of income ! DO NOT sign up for these schemes, and DO NOT take out any loans in your name to help him with these debts. I don't think the "what if it was me" aspect deserves giving him more moeny to waste --- you have already proved you are not so foolish. Networking isn't the way of the future --- it's been arouind for many years, and few have made money from it. He needs a secure job, and when he has adequate savings, he can afford to indulge in this as a hobby. Doing something dodgy as a team doesn't make it any safer Trust your instincts and beliefs. Giving him more money to lose in this dodgy venture helps nobody. Maybe consider paying off some of his legitimate debts, if there are any, but then, if you can afford it, you should pay directyl, as if you give the money to hom he'll only get deeper into debt.
And how can you fel sure that in the reverse situation he'd do it for you --- this IS the reverse situation --- you are wanting him to get eliable work and pay off debts and quit these dodgy schemes, and he is refusing to do this for you. You're right --- don't indulge him

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