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Question
Posted by: Worried | 2006/11/13

I left him,now he has compounded High BP

I broke up with the father of my 2 girls about 4 months ago because he was very violent and very abusive. It took me alot of courage to leave him.

The problem is that he is now so depressed and a few days ago, he was admitted into hospital for High Blood Pressure. This he says was caused by the fact that i left him. I feel so guilt. What should I do, go back or what would be the best thing for me to do. I don't want to be blamed for his sickness or should things get worse for his........

please advise what should i do. Very worried

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well done on finding the courage to leave an abuser. But DO NOT accept his invitation to feel guilty --- his abuse was the fault, and the reason for you leaving and perhaps for his depression, not you. Do NOT go back --- only an idiot would blame you for his illness --- advise him to see a shrink to change his bad habits as well as to treat his depression, and continue to protect yourself and the girls --- and call POWA for support and advice.
It doesn't matter at all whether he chooses to realize that you didn't do this to hurt him --- what matters is that YOu realize that. Like most bullies, he likes dishing out the hurt, but doesn't like feeling any --- and his victim has escaped. As you sem to have given him good advice --- stop answering his calls, and if necessary go to court and get a restraining order to keep him away from you three rand to stop him contacting you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: H25 | 2006/11/13

I agree with Kat and Kate. Don't give in now - he might be using this as a perfect situation to get you crawling back to him and you will end up in the same, if not a worse, situation. Be firm and forget about him altogether - he was the one responsible for the breakup - abusive behaviour is not acceptable at ANY time and he must now sort out his own problems - I agree with Kate DON'T pay any attention to his calls - just ignore them altogether.

Just remember you took a very big, important step when you left him - don't go back on it now - just look forward and forget about him.

Reply to H25
Posted by: Paul | 2006/11/13

Up his and the BP, what about the abuse you endured? Did he feel guilty, it sounds like kak to me.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/13

hell no dont go back, he has caused this not you. dont let him manipulate you like this. he is a waist of your time.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/13

Stop answering his calls.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Worried | 2006/11/13

Thanks Kate

What can I do to make him realise that I did not do this to hurt him? The other day I saw him, he was shaking and he could barely stand without support. He keeps phoning me and I do answer his calls. I have told him time and again the reasons I left him and I even asked him to go for counceling becuase he has anger management issues. He refueses to acknowledge that he has to address his anger.

Reply to Worried
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/13

Dont you dare go back, youre feeling exactly what he wants you to feel, IGNORE IT, remember the reasons you left in the first place.

Reply to Kate

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