Posted by: Worried | 2006/11/13

I left him,now he has compounded High BP

I broke up with the father of my 2 girls about 4 months ago because he was very violent and very abusive. It took me alot of courage to leave him.

The problem is that he is now so depressed and a few days ago, he was admitted into hospital for High Blood Pressure. This he says was caused by the fact that i left him. I feel so guilt. What should I do, go back or what would be the best thing for me to do. I don't want to be blamed for his sickness or should things get worse for his........

please advise what should i do. Very worried

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Our expert says:
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Well done on finding the courage to leave an abuser. But DO NOT accept his invitation to feel guilty --- his abuse was the fault, and the reason for you leaving and perhaps for his depression, not you. Do NOT go back --- only an idiot would blame you for his illness --- advise him to see a shrink to change his bad habits as well as to treat his depression, and continue to protect yourself and the girls --- and call POWA for support and advice.
It doesn't matter at all whether he chooses to realize that you didn't do this to hurt him --- what matters is that YOu realize that. Like most bullies, he likes dishing out the hurt, but doesn't like feeling any --- and his victim has escaped. As you sem to have given him good advice --- stop answering his calls, and if necessary go to court and get a restraining order to keep him away from you three rand to stop him contacting you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: H25 | 2006/11/13

I agree with Kat and Kate. Don't give in now - he might be using this as a perfect situation to get you crawling back to him and you will end up in the same, if not a worse, situation. Be firm and forget about him altogether - he was the one responsible for the breakup - abusive behaviour is not acceptable at ANY time and he must now sort out his own problems - I agree with Kate DON'T pay any attention to his calls - just ignore them altogether.

Just remember you took a very big, important step when you left him - don't go back on it now - just look forward and forget about him.

Reply to H25
Posted by: Paul | 2006/11/13

Up his and the BP, what about the abuse you endured? Did he feel guilty, it sounds like kak to me.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/13

hell no dont go back, he has caused this not you. dont let him manipulate you like this. he is a waist of your time.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/13

Stop answering his calls.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Worried | 2006/11/13

Thanks Kate

What can I do to make him realise that I did not do this to hurt him? The other day I saw him, he was shaking and he could barely stand without support. He keeps phoning me and I do answer his calls. I have told him time and again the reasons I left him and I even asked him to go for counceling becuase he has anger management issues. He refueses to acknowledge that he has to address his anger.

Reply to Worried
Posted by: Kate | 2006/11/13

Dont you dare go back, youre feeling exactly what he wants you to feel, IGNORE IT, remember the reasons you left in the first place.

Reply to Kate

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