Posted by: Capricon | 2006/11/01

I just don't know what to do anymore

My husband has just started treatment for hypertension and he has been taking ulcer treatment as well because he had a burning sensation in the stomach and his doctors prescribed this medication only to discover that he has an infection when the gastroscopy was done .He was admitted for a week beginning of August and I took leave from work because he requested me to stay with him .I have been very understanding and supportive since the doctors told him that he has to take his tablets daily to stabilise his blood pressure . But lately I just don’t know what to do.

He just loves to feel sorry for himself and I try to make him believe that he is going to be fine but it seems as if it goes through this ear and out the other ear. He has these constant thoughts that he is going to die, he does not sleep at night reading inserts of his medication (insert describing what the medication is for side effects it has and so on) he even got himself a encyclopaedia of diseases and while I am sleeping he is reading this book page by page .He tells me that he is getting thinner he weighs 101kg(has been for 3 yrs) and if I say otherwise and that he is ok then all hell break loose .I have to agree and say that yes you are thin and yes you are very sick and than he’ll see that I care.

He is very irritable does not want to even go out with me .Last Sunday we had an appointment for a family photo shoot and he just refused to go with me and the kids and it really hurt me .It’s like he is taking out all his frustrations on me .But when it’s his mom and friends he is totally different person .I believe that change of scenery would make him realise that his life is not ending yet there is still a lot to enjoy but he sees it the other way .He is even doing the emotional blackmailing he tells me that I look happy that he is sick and also do not care that he is sick which is wrong.

It has come to a point where I really do not know what to do or say .He even said he is jealous that I look like I don’t have any worries .I told him that everything is controlled by the mind .If you wake in the morning whether you have problems or sick you can decide to be happy no matter what comes your way. If you are sick and people ask you “How are you feeling? And if your answer is always sick then you remain sick but if you’re positive about life and say you are better you will eventually feel better .Our friends are getting married this Saturday and he said he is not going because he is sick and it’s his life he can't be worried about weddings.It's not like he is dying .I don’t understand his reason because he goes to work daily but when it’s our time he does not what to do anything with me and I have to watch out what I say.

I really thing that if he were to change his mind set he’ll feel better .How do I change his mindset?

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Our expert says:
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Contrary to what people thought for ages, it was discvered that a subtle form of infection has a lot to o with indigestion and stomach ulcers, so this is probably what they found on the gastriscopy, and may help them clear up his symptoms more effectively.
But it sounds as though he may be making unduly heavy weather over his illnesses, all of which can be well treated and without substanial troublesome side-effects. He seems to have developed Hypchondriasis, typified by reading the Encyclopedia of Diseases, and ending up suffering from everything in it, including the PReface and the Index.
Maybe he's becoming Depressed, as well. Could your mom help to persuade him, carefully using his interest in being ill, to recognize the possibility of Depression, and to see a good local shrink ? CBT counselling could make a reall major beneficial impact, and by controlling the stress, could improve the blood pressure and stomach problems as well

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Our users say:
Posted by: Capricon | 2006/11/01

Thanks CS will sure speak to his mom regarding CBT counselling hopefully he'll listen when she suggest it.

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