Posted by: Matthew | 2005/11/26

I have no solution.... except this

There is no cure for my problem so I have decided to commit suicide. I have read on the internet that people with my condition have pretty useless lives and battle constantly to find happiness.
I wanted to commit suicide ages ago and now I'm not gona be a coward and be confused. It's my new -|- ing goal right now. I feel for the people on these boards but at the same time I want to -|- them up because they don't have a problem. Most of the problems on this board seem to revolve around relationships and I just have to laugh or -|- ing cry. With my condition it is impossible to have a relationship. I got treated like shit by a psychologist even that I told everything to so I guess I am just a -|- ing joke. I mean, just think about it you pay the psychologist serious -|- ing money and you pour your soul out to the person and I got rejected as if I'm so -|- ing sick and awful that I was refused treatment. I was awesome for that therapist I did all my homework which was actually nothing and I gave in extra notes and cooperated and tried my hardest was nice and everything. I must be a -|- ing lousy person, what is it?? My best guess is that I didn't entertain the therapist with an elaborate mind bending tale of child abuse or whatever therapists would be entertained by these days. I have no friends, they have all left while I treated them like gold and they all left me. I haven't got a girlfriend because I honestly can't have one, I have nothing to give. I have lost everything, don't have a job, I would hate to have a job anyway I can't act happy around people any more. You know what, I don't have to! I will from now on be the real me and stop trying because it doesn't do anything for anyone anyway. That's a lot of -|- ing anys!! I also notice on these boards when somebody has a real problem they aren't listened to but when it's my boyfrined -|- ing is being funny evrybody is supposed to fall over and does.To all the people that have a job that they hate and do it five days a wekk, why do you bother!? How can you be that stupid??
As for the last psychologist that laughed in my face I will follow the therapist home and put a gun to the therapist's head and then enter the therapist's home and beat the person senseless. Then I'm going to shoot the -|- er. I feel my back against the wall, I am so utterly commited to this and I feel I will do others a favour. I can't wait for tht satisfaction to see that person in fear and pain. Eye for an eye, let me help your GOD out for ya. Live like a -|- er, die like a mother -|- er. Obviously I don't want to go to jail so what I'll do after leaving a mutilated body I'm just gonna shoot myself in the head and then its done. So easy. I've never wanted to kill someone before but now the reasoning is all empowering!
Oh what to do to a therapist who treats you badly when you are suicidal, I mean come on did the therapist want me to suffer or what. I just want to turn the tables.
All the therapist said was: "Oh, that'll definitely make the cover of the papers." I guess that's what therapist is hoping for, no apologies. I'm not gonna hang around, and for everybody else if you're thinking of suicide do it. The best thing about this place is that you know that you're leaving someday!!!!!! You know the answer to your problem!! I've known this all along but was too confused to see it. I know my answe is right.
Cybershrink you are wasting you're time, maybe you've learnt a great deal about drugs but geez people are so unmotivated they need others to tell them the answer they already know. CBT my ass. You can only build up confidence by doing things yourself and slowly believing in yourself that way, not listen to someone else ramble on what is the only solution. Find your own -|- ing beliefs. pretty sad when people have to pay a fortune for someone else's ideas. -|- psychologists! I've been to about four and they are -|- ing useless. Only you know the answer. Do what you feel is right for you. Period.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Matthew,
If you'll actually check the archives of the forum thoroughl;y, you'll find there were numerous people who had similar feelings, but who did indeed find other ways, happier, healthier and more satisfying.
I fully agree with Don't Do IT. I can't imagien what condition you think you are suffering from, as there is NO condition known to science or medicine which would impose on you the sort of inevitable fate you seem to be assuming.
There is absolutely nothing whatever cowardly about making the sensible decision NOT to commit suicide --- there is FAR more bravery in deciding to get competent help, persevere, and work to solve your problems. Suicide merely brings appalling grief to anyone who cares about you.
There is NO condition in which it is imposible to have relationships --- some may make it a bit more difficult, but that's different. And if you had an unfortunate experience with a psychologist, well, don't just give up and let him get away with makign a mess out of the way he treated you --- persist, find a better shrink, get better, and then visit the psychologist who messed up, to show him how well you could have done much earlier, if he'd have done his job properly. If he rejected you, or treated you problems as a joke, then he was a truly lousy psychologist. That's no reason for you to punish yourself.
Don't act out violently towards the shrink either --- that will only lower yourself below his level, and will give people who have been unreasonably scornful of you, good reason to scorn you. That you've found FOUR lousy shrinks is an awful thought --- but it doesn't mean that the entire species is at fault or as useless for you as the ones you saw.
So, you apparently met a lousy or careless shrink --- that's bad and hurtful. But nop reason for you to ruin your life, and to prevent him from learning how to treat people better.
I understand how very angry and disheartened you are, but you are not being as logical as you seem to think. You make a scornful comment about CBT, yet when done properly, it does exactly what you describe as what you wanted --- and never involves you sitting round listening to the shrink warbling on. And again, it sounds as if they did indeed function poorly, as they should not be providing you with their ideals, and beliefs, but helping you to clarify and make good use of your own.
None of us can convince you to do anything you don't want to do. But I do hope that you will cool down a bit and decide to spite these 4 lousy shrinks, by persisting in getting your own life together, according to your own ideals, with better help than they were apparently able to provide, and proving tem wrong. If they didn't think much of you, then suicide, let alone with a preceeding act of violence, will only seem to prove them right --- and you won't be around to represent your own point of view.
Stay around, and do contribute more of your thoughtful eloquence to our discussion of various reasons. Yes indeed, some of the problems presented here are indeed petty --- but they're the biggest problem those people have yet had to face. Stay round to remind them of the things that really matter, and to get their own alarm into perspective. I look forward to hearing more from you next week, and beyond.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ? | 2005/11/27

Hi Matthew, my friend committed suicide last week, 10 days after the 1st anniversary of my brothers death. Sometimes when one speaks without thinking it is like shooting without aiming. If u had to shoot someone would they really get justice? What is justice anyway, a revelation perhaps? They will not get any enlightenment that way.
The innocent people around them will suffer.
I have reached my wall too, I cannot work anymore, have been suicidally depressed this year and have gone through the clinic as I am no longer working. I am booking into hospital tomorrow where they have a team of experts and I will try and get better and live my life in honour to my brother and my friend.
Talking about Therapists -Try going through a clinic when ur white, I just want to be treated like everyone else, not made a point of, and made to wait last and get told I will not get special treatment. [as if I wanted it in the 1st place] - {by the staff - not the people there.}
Also, my friend, I believe [I know this is a personal belief] but I believe that if u die in an unhappy space, u still have to work through everything on the other side anyways. The pain wont just magically go away. U take urself with u, so rather take action positively, go and get help now.
Even consider the clinic as their are wonderful services out there and beautiful people from all walks of life, cultures, colours and when u really listen to everyone, u may just become part of the solution and not the problem.
Go well, my friend. I hope ur path leads up.

Reply to ?
Posted by: Wolf | 2005/11/27

Hello Matthew

At the beginning of your reply you said that you were in a bad mood and had to get it out. Moods change and if you committ this awful act, you will surely be filled with remorse and then it will be too late. Please read Cybershrinks reply to you again and spend time considering his opinion. He is a humanitarian. It is not wise to carry out your threats as it will be the family of the victim that will suffer the most. Suicide and voilence are nevert useful solutions. Matthew you need hugs and I am sending many to you. Please contact Cybershrink again tomorrow, he can help you. Where do you live?

Reply to Wolf
Posted by: Tango | 2005/11/26


I guess no matter what we say now
will make much difference to you - but I really hope you do not carry out what you want to do and that you will be able to join the forum again. Yes, I do find some solace here, I have made a real good friend here that I now chat to via e mail and yes, it helps me make sence of a world thats often just so unjust and unfair. Please try and hold on...


Reply to Tango
Posted by: phil | 2005/11/26

post this message again... in a new post, so that CS can read it... and respond.

Reply to phil
Posted by: Matthew | 2005/11/26

You have a big heart Doctor and I was in a bad mood I guess but I just had to get it all out. Perhaps the people on this board get the most help from you because you are caring, not necessarily because they expect an agony aunt as they say. I am a good person but killing this person sounds right and I believe in myself this time and I will prove everybody wrong by doing this. I will do it. I chickened out before but now I am truly dedicated.
My act of violence will prove my point perfectly, I want that person to get some clue that you can't treat others like dirt.
I want that person to suffer what can I say, if your God judges you for anything he likes why can't I judge other people. Why can't I put in my two cents on this planet?
How are other patients feeling if the therapist is treating others just the same? Are they coping or are they thinking of suicide because she/he refused to treat them like what happened to me. I have done life, now I must venture into death and at the same time get my own back on someone. I can't sue the therapist I can't do anything so I will do it my way!!!!!
But a gone is hard to find though. Damn! Only about R800 though. Better work. Geez.
Hopefully the people on these boards will find answers for their problems cause Ihave just found mine.
And regarding other people's problems on these boards being insignificant, they aren't and I was being selfish I'm sorry. Honestly hope everybody finds balance.

Reply to Matthew
Posted by: Dont do it | 2005/11/26

There are other solutions, I give you my word. "I wanted to commit suicide ages ago and now I'm not gona be a coward and be confused." Commiting suicide is one of the most cowardiced acts I can think of, its an easy way out. It doesnt take much courage, intelligence or expertise to do it, but to take a step back, a deep breath and think to yourself..hey, things havent been working, lets try something different. That takes courage, balls and gets my and majority of others utmost respect - because its hard, helleva hard.

My uncle commited suicide, then my father did and everyone was saying that its in my genes. I often feel like you do, perhaps its a chemical imbalance and all it will take is something as simple as a pill to put our lives back on track?

Please dont make any decisions now, allow people who care about you to help you.

Reply to Dont do it

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